i know i need to look for signs of truth in his WORDS by watching his ACTIONS.
I'd offer that it isn't the truth you might need to look for but rather aconfirmation of the truth. Michelle's book talked about saying I love you - that replying to it when you don't feel it isn't very easy. I think when he's saying he misses you and that he loves you, his crying, texting, meeting you, going to an IC, walking in the snow (etc) is the action that confirmed his love. It doesn't mean that you or he has done enough of changing what didn't work and meeting your goals to make the 50 year anniversary.
You wouldn't have gotten there in your R if you tuned him out.
He might be sad because he's feeling he misses you. If he wanted to give separation papers or something, or if he wanted more space cause you were pursuing, he wouldn't be sad, he'd be mad. That is where you've done great trying to better understand the man you want to be with in a happy M. It is also possible that he is also feeling proud of you, while being worried about your financial situation, or that you might be running away from him.
I disagree with the idea that you should not spend a bit of time understanding him. If people didn't try to understand someone's intentions and feelings, we'd have to rely on them telling us, which he (and I) are not always able to do. If we ONLY judged someone's actions, where would we get hope from?
Think of the Muslim/Christian belief in prophets like Moses. Aren't we told time and time again about what they and the "bad guys" thought, not just what they did? Yet for a spouse, we say, "prove it"?
Be cautious, don't plan on words alone, that makes a lot of sense. If there was a trust issue, be more cautious. But try to "mind read" because he's ADHD and going to forget to say something he thought you knew. Even better, do it because it is just the right thing to do when you are trying to show love. That doesn't mean ignore the facts, or jump into a situation on hope alone.
The person keeping herself on track the most is you. You ask questions. You choose your direction. You accept the benefits, and the consequences of them, too.
