Positive Moments In Time

[K4D]

Thanks Puppy,

That is what I needed to hear.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

No mindreading! Love it.

[Steve McQueen]

just go with the flow

What does that mean? Is she wanting me to come hear her sing or not?

Kevin

you are the husband, you must go.

[The Wifey]

Not quite the reaction I had expected from her and especially a call first thing this morning.

Standard DB advice: No expectations.

Hi Kev. No expectations, no disappointments.

[The Wifey]

And, who knows if she wants you there or why she mentioned it. Go and listen. NO EXPECTATIONS!

[25yearsmlc]

Who cares? "NO MINDREADING," remember?

Show up and be supportive.

Puppy

WHAT PUPPY SAID!!
(Or don't go b/c you have mysterious plans you won't reveal...) Do you even want to go? WHY? WHAT DO YOU EXPECT OR HOPE TO HAPPEN????
Be honest with yourself at least...you have expectations & hopes already....

Geez, this is so tough. I'd love to get in your brain and tweak it so you can see how clear this is to some of us. I mean, just give her some time to learn how to be around you without radiating your needs and hopes...
But Here are some other things none of us know---and that you have no control over and that you can also worry about if you like---but you should be ready for things like...

What if there's someone else there as a date? Or what if she doesn't notice you enough, or her family isn't kind to you, or she sits somewhere else, or does not save you a seat, or ignores you, or they have plans for afterwards, or if she is affectionate with the rose giver, and blah blah blah all the expectations we know you will pin on this even though you have heard 100 times to lose the expectations--all based on this one sentence comment she made b/c you refuse, (& I mean REFUSE) to learn the true meaning of detachment, or just not being so dependent on her for your happiness, b/c when you cling to something like this it seems like such a backslide to me....come on..please don't let her see the need we all see!
Can you do that? Can you handle whatever happens without it showing? You said you played poker in the past. Put on your poker face.

K4, think about it... [/b] We don't know your w or the meaning of a comment she has made to you....and even if she wants you to come, we don't kow if it's to show off to you or others, or just get attention, we also don't know if that's just b/c her ego likes it, she's an extrovert who thrives on it, or if it means feelings for you, and even if it did mean she has feelings for you, none of us know if that means she'd ever want to be M to you again, let alone when, or if she's just finally a tad more comfortable with you around and it's more convenient so her girls can see it with you, and or Not with OM....we don't know. Here's what we do know...

She said she wants a div and she has not retracted those words, and she lives somewhere else, and as of Valentine's, she was seeing someone, from whom I presume she is getting roses, which she did not hide or conceal from you or the girls....Hey I know that hurts and that sucks and I'm sorry, but it is true.

And That is all we "know"...about that. What else do we KNOW? We know financial security matters to most women including your w, sooooo

So, how about focusing on the new joband how you'll INVEST your increased salary (=$$ security,) rather than spending or committing it all before it's earned, and letting some dang time pass with her seeing that your primary focus in life is NOT how she reacts to you? That'd be a 180!...Remember that for her to see you differently, she needs real change + time and THEN it can change... If it's all the same old, then it'll still all be the same old... You have to make the change so that change in the R can happen.

To the best of my recall you have never answered this but it really is the best indicator of whether you guys have a chance...but, what is different about you now, that she can notice, that would mean the M to you would be better than it was before? If she can't see it, it doesn't count in terms of a recon b/c she'll base her choices on actions she sees (which she has said to you more than once).

(How about getting the new employer to support that? They will be impressed by your ambition - b/c the new K4 is NOT "complacent" anymore, right?) no way...

And how about making a new financial plan that is sound and disciplined?
Financial security gives you peace of mind and is attractive as well.

And congrats on the new job!! Sounds like a good fit. Are there avenues for upward mobility? Regardless, enjoy the new job. The more you like it, the better you'll be at it and attitude is everything.
It is a cycle you can create.

Good luck,
j-

[Startingover2]

How did it go last night?

[Steve McQueen]

just go with the flow

What does that mean? Is she wanting me to come hear her sing or not?

Kevin

just relax. pretend you are water. just flow. get sucked up by evaporation and get real high then fall just like rain. no care in the world because when you land you'll just take the least path of resistance; eroding soils, wearing down rocks combining with other water molecules. Dont question; just flow and eventually maybe find yourself part of an ocean.

[K4D]

W called me and said "Since we are still technically married, can I get on your health insurance since it will save me money and I will pay the premium difference?"

If she is going to D me, why does she want to be on my health insurance? How long would she want to be on it for? I am a bit perplexed by that request. If she isn't going to play the married part, why does she want the married benefit?

I will answer yall's other questions in a bit.

Kevin

[Steve McQueen]

dude didnt she just blow you off when you needed it?