Not married, but long term serious live-in relationship. We separated exactly 1 year this week. Saw him in Oct. when he came for the last few items he'd let behind. I had so much to say, knowing I'd likely never see him again. Didn't plan it, but had a terrible few words drop off my tongue. . . 'I still love you very much." I immediately regretted it. I never intended it, it just rolled off like a bomb with no premeditation. His response; a sarcastic "yeah, right. you love me. pfft." I felt tears welling up in my eyes so I just said goodbye and walked away. I've had months to think it over. I could see he loves me too. I just knew it. And his reply I think could indicate that fact. If he didn't love me, he would respond with a 'sorry you feel that way' or something. His reaction was more like he doesn't believe I really do or I wouldn't have done what I did that split us up. {some of you here may remember. it was VERY trivial to me, but was a breaking point for him} Anyway. Can't undo that. It's now been months later and as luck would have it some mail has come for him. I texted him and he called. He wants to pick it up tomorrow a.m. It's his b-day so I wished him a happy one and he said he'd forgotten it was his b-day til I said that. Anyway. . . I have until tomorrow a.m. to handle this brief encounter smarter than our last. I know I should look great, smile, maybe make him laugh if I can. Any suggestions from you experts on any way to plant a small seed of doubt in his mind? Is it ok to say it's good to see him? That he looks good? Should i just mention something interesting that I'm doing? Ask him what he's doing? Suggest a get together? btw, a few of my friend's have spotted him out over the past few months and he's alone. I still love him. I believe he loves me. I know we could come thru this if only he wanted to, but he has decided to stick to his resolve. I want to crack that resolve and see what understanding we can come to. I have yet to give up on the idea of us. Should I give him a bday card with some non-emotional appeal hand written inside? AAAArgh.
Yes, give him a birthday card. Maybe ask him out for a cup of coffee and just sit and talk. See how it feels to spend time with him. See if he wants to spend time with you. i think, don't say you love him, but show that you enjoy being with him. that you value him. And then see where it goes. if it goes well, maybe you can schedule another time to get together, maybe invite him to a dinner that your cook for him. You know, pretend he is someone new who you would like to date.
Thank you for your advice. I'm a nervous wreck today. Happy nerves. um he doens't drink coffee. And we'll both be racing to get on with our busy day. We both own businesses, so the a.m. mail pick up will be brief. But I'll do a card and ask for a dinner date. Jeez, I'm excited and terrified all at once.
Yes, look good. Big smiles, little flirtatious. Be mysterious. If he asks you how you are, tell him you are fabulous. Hide the cat...no kidding kidding.
Anyway, the card is a good idea, but I would wait on the dinner date thing. You don't want to come on too strong. See how this interaction goes first. Be nonchalant, act a little disintrested. Remember, they always want what they can't have. If he knows he can get you without jumping through hoops, its not interesting.
Now, you can ask if you can call him sometime...but don't do it right away. If he says yes, give it about a week. If he calls you first, don't answer right away.
I think it is okay that you told him you love him the last time you saw him, but this time, lets do the opposite.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
The cat died several months ago from heart trouble. Irony.
I had to drop this board. Wanted to explain, at least to you. But there is no pm option.
Your advice is all good. I'm jumping into the shower now. He didn't give a time, just said he'd come before I leave for work, which is 10.30. If I'm flirtatious won't he think he can have me without jumping thru hoops? I'll try to strike a balance. I'm pre-planning some conversation in hopes that some unexpected surprise will not drop out of my mouth.
Done. So I met him out front. He thanked me for letting him know about the mail, he appreciates it. He talked briefly about work. I told him good news about my daughter. He asked me to congratulate her. From there I intended to be bright & fun but, I asked how his family is and it turns out his favorite sister is hospitalized and extremely ill. She's having surgery tomorrow, but it looks grim. He said she's a good sister and it would hurt to lose her. I loved this sister too. She was always so good to me and made me feel like family. I was shocked and saddened by the news. And of course I had to cancel my bubbly flirtatious plan. I told him I'd be thinking of them and I would say prayers for her. I felt so badly to hear this news. He said he'd tell her I'm thinking about her, even though I didn't ask him to, in case that would be awkward for him. He scarcely looked at me. Afraid to look? I may send her a card. And I'll call him tomorrow night to see how things are with her. Wish he'd given me any other excuse to contact him but this. In spite of it, it was good to see him. A sight for sore eyes. He has a cold and he looks so tired and sad. I resisted the temptation to throw my arms around him. Can't say I was able to read his interest level. Well there was none. But he's sick and worried about his sis. I'd say the only possible indication that he cares was his inability to look at me.
Absolutely call him to see how things are. I will pray that she is okay. This is a totally different set of circumstances, and because you had a relationship with both him and his family, the support you give is needed and natural.
Right now, his thoughts are about his sister, but you can take the opportunity to be a friend, someone he can lean on. Sending a card to his sister would be wonderful.
Inability to look usually means they do not want to show how they are feeling. I suspect he wanted to just have someone hold him so he could cry, but men have that "macho" thing. Let him know you are there for him, and if he needs a shoulder, yours is available.
I am so sorry about his sister. It is a hard thing to go through.
You in the alt?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Divorce Busting has a Facebook page. That is the alt.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
