NO DARN D TONITE EITHER, just before I got on here, I texted her love you.
....Good. Just show her love. We know that trying to control her decisions isn't working...let her choose where to be.
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isn't enabling me to show that I can be a rock, all though my attitude in other areas is lacking
Why do you need you wife's help being the man and father you ant to be?
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What she is doing right now is NOMB and I don't want to know about it either.
That mind set will get you places!
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I did put my ring back on.
This is my reason, and it's my reason only that I put the ring back on.
Good as long as it is for YOU and not for vindication or manipulation.
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I am letting her go in that, I have not contacted her.I am definately not going to give an opinion and I'm documenting D stuff and her not dropping D off, but I'm not starting a fight about it, either. It bothers me, but I don't have any control on what those two are doing. It hurts me, but I got no control.You know seperated the person from the behavior and just trying to stay out of the way.
You have no control over them....the more you realize it the better off you will be. Keep the documenting up though....there is a business side to all of this and you do need to be prepared.
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Right now she "does not want to be married," EA ok having that no doubt, but it's more the stress of family, debt, work, and she's wanting to find herself or that was the reason last summer.
As the seasons change so will the reasons...out of your control.
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I'm hurting,I always put her first and still am.
So when are you going to finally change that?
Forgiveness is a gift to yourself, No expectations, hope, or want helps you, looking inside and addressing those issues fix's you. What do you want for yourself?
You say your going to be nice because that is how you are.
Did you read either Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy?
Because they are like the primer of this and then read the MLC resources.
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It hurts to read you. You don't listen...and you know what? THAT IS FINE, however after a few months of not listening AND not getting better by choosing your OWN way...most people might be open to listening to others by now.
The reason you do not have expectations: You, you are the example of what happens when you have expectations. You have them, and you are stuck.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
My only expectation is eventually we can reconcile.
Not today or tomorrow, in the mean time, I'm making myself available to my kids, the school and everything else.
Jack you didn't give up on your wife, I'm not giving up on mine, that's all.
On the rock part, I have son when I am suppose to.
Wife and D well that's another story, but just documenting just in case, no use it in fighting it, just sitting back.
I'm stuck, because I'm stuck. I just can't get the happy thoughts or things she has said in the past good or bad out of my mind.For lack of a better term, I'm stuck "not moving on" just not ready to give up or I just haven't found anything to think about over and over, probably more accurate and I really don't feel very fun or good inside, I find small things and smile, that's what I mean by stuck.
So anyway.
she's dipped a little further away and that's fine, so have I, then i get a text from her, there isn't any reason to give the details it was kid related, a joke about me being safe she was out,so u know i got a shot in,SHE HAS BEEN VERY POSSESIVE, so ignored the safe part, did not on putting prescription on your counter,she came back with k. thanks.then i texted back have fun tonite be safe. and texted her that d needs to serve her detention or she is going to be suspended and if she needs me to pick up d, i will.
i'm done with the rescue stuff, it doesn't work, isn't going to work, reading Amy's posts and some of the others.
See I understand the process in what a mlc went or goes thru, I didn't understand until reading some of Amy's threads the other side and how they see things.
so if I want to help my wife, I really just need to get out of the way.
but i'm not angry at her, don't want a divorce, but i'm ok with her finding herself, again the wanting a divorce really is the thing bothering me terribly, never had an issue with her doing or being, that's why she's having the EA with the neighbor, because it wasn't until she was about to drop the bomb, that I went off, because before that, a little jealous of their relationship, but i sure as heck didn't want them to know it, so i ignored it.
And in company of others i ignore it, it's here or in a car by myself that i go off like a rocket about their deal.they did it not me.
Fixing dinner for my son, took d to dr, met with d's vice principal, worked up a sweat at work, petted the dog, posted to you, and had 2 beers. that's what i did for myself today.
the ring is back on because i believe in me and i believe in her, no vindication or manipulation, that is why i asked, if she had seen it as pressure or i thought i had a holier than though attitude, then I would have had it on for the wrong reason.
this isn't a right and wrong deal.
she's wrong not on purpose, i'm wrong and right on purpose, not on purpose, all i know is where i want to end up.
The no expectations is for us then, just like the space is for us then. Then both people get what they want without any pressure?
I think I answered my own question, just like the two people i talked to that went into mlc, once it hit them, but it was their ah ha moment, things got better and both wanted their relationships back, one the lbs said no, the other had hung in there. the difference being probably one was a pastor with kids, the other not a pastor and no kids, but both wanted back in and the lbs made the decision.
The decision is on us whether or not we want them or the relationship back and get a life in the mean time?
It gives us an opportunity to decide if our marriage or lives were all we thought it was cracked up to be too.
Is that correct?
even the ic says i am very intense, because i do i run things over and over in my mind until i figure them out and when i do latch on to something, i don't let it go and this is one case where if i don't let go, i am not going to get what i and the kids want and i am , i am asking for a guarantee and there isn't one, shoot, darn it, man she knew she came first.
what really stinks, is kid time, family time, money, we both have the same regrets and had some of the same stress', just hers were and i know now were more extreme than she had ever let on or she did and i didn't listen correctly
I don't post too much on the other threads just read them.
SHOOT!!!SHE WAS ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT MONEY!!!!
We made money, BUT I WAS THE ONE THAT MADE THE DECISIONS AND SHE PAID FOR THEM.
Dang it to flipping heck, she mentioned it, I knew it and did not take the responsibility from her.
That was one of my big regrets that we didn't save better, we were always behind the 8 ball or so she felt, I would just make more then accelerate the note, i was already missing out on the kids, so i was putting for she and i's future when the kids would be gone.
And i did, i did refi the house yrs ago without talking to her first, i did set up life insurance policies, savings accts,seperate checking accts, now the intentions were good, but see i made a decision without knowing or fearing the budget. AND THAT DEAL I DO FULLY TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR, i wanted out of the car business so bad, still do, that I wanted stuff paid off so could do something as a family.I OWN THAT ONE, so it makes sense she isn't being gold digger, her dad hid money during his divorce, i haven't, not a cent, but she knew and I felt. She knew how much money going out, I just felt how much money going out.
That is definately something that I tried to fix, when all heck broke loose btw, but didn't realize what i was in for. at that time divorce wasn't an option it was ayk i want a lower hse payment and lower bills, i dropped the nfl ticket, refi'd the house, drew from my ira and paid off stuff, then she turned it into i had money the whole time, she was and is confused about an ira, this wasn't hidden money, it was a 401k rollover, that i did want to cash out more than once to pay stuff off and eachtime advised not to.
well last summer when stuff started to hit with her, i was screw it, i'll go broke before she goes nuts and we(kids and i) lose her.
Too late.other than cashing the ira, i would have still refi'd house and paid off her student loan.
the cc and tax money i had set aside, well wouldn't have paid off cc and the tax money, i would have kept it where it was, because now it's all gone, she spent it in 33 days.
somewhere in that post i left out the most important, did it without running by my wife first, was just proofreading and i left it out, it does take two to tango.
