Is there hope?

[chatterbug]

Do you want to take care of the dogs for yourself ?

That is the question you need to ask.

[jasper67]

I don't know.

I love the dogs. They are in a good/save environment, and they are happy. From that POV- I am happy to keep them.

I suppose if I am even wondering what W is thinking by me taking care of them- then my motives are not in the right place- and I am being spiteful.

There is no gratitude on W's part, not a thanks, or anything. if I am doing the right thing- I do not need to be thanked by a selfish person. The thanks I get is in my knowing I'm doing the right thing, and the love of the dogs.

It still eats me alive that she pays nothing and has little responsibility, and is able to pursue R's while I'm left holding the bag.

Thanks again Cutter.

[chatterbug]

That is why they are called a Walk Away.

Dogs can be good GAL. And they keep you active. And you can flirt with them as well when your out at the park.

And dogs show unconditional love.

Something you need right now. Trust me on being alone in the house. The dogs will keep you good company.

Perhaps you should address this as an opportunity instead of a burden. One where you show your strength of character. Keep the bills on all the dog food etc...

Then a future conversation can be about the following :

Tell her that the dogs are safe and in a good environment and can remain. But. She needs to start being more responsible to the dogs by purchasing the dog food. And bringing it over on her next visit. Or she has a choice. Stop visiting the dogs or take them.
One or the other.
If you can handle it. Work in paying half. And carry the stuff in from her car.
2 acts of service from you. 2 acts of service from her. Its absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.... Or is it. Create a safe environment with the dogs. One where she knows she can go to with you. And one you can use to change topics when you need to retreat. Its a safety valve for both of you. One you set up. And offer freely.



Your pets are the only thing you have to keep a good conversation with her. Do not allow everything else to affect this one relationship between the two of you that can remain civil.

[jasper67]

Excellent advice- and they are great animals and know the true meaning of unconditional love.

I noticed your recent scenario- bravo!!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Maynard,

I really don't have anything to add -- you're getting EXCELLENT advice here, on both the dogs and the dating thing.

I'd say just go out with GROUPS of people, men and women, and enjoy the company and the attention. Right now, you need to be working on YOU, and not adding more drama to your life, IMHO.

You sound great!

Puppy

[chatterbug]

well I know that I will never stop loving ladybug. That is the something I know. But I know the love has evolved and will continue to evolve to something else now. Forgiveness is a very powerful frame of mind. But this is one that I have given to myself.

[jasper67]

I just thought of a recent failure I failed to mention to you all.

Earlier in the week, my W found an old pic of an ex from college. W texted me why is that pic out? Have you been talking to her again?

I replied- E-mailed her about our sitch. She can't believe it, asked if we tried therapy. I'm only concerned for my M.

Prob not the best reply. Months ago the hope I kept for things translated to devotion from W. Problem was I put too much emphasis on what W said -"you are proving to be very devoted."

Let's see that was just prior to PA w/ OM1, now we're fully sep and she's on to OM2...lots of good me being devoted in her eyes has done.

I just had to bring this up b/c I see it as a missed opp. to mix things up a bit and keep W guessing.

[chatterbug]

lesson learned. for now on. Your private life if your private life. No need to answer on anything like that for now on. Just ignore... Its not part of your key reply items.

If it is remove

If she presses. Just reply it is none of her business. And leave it at that. Sometimes Silence says more than any words.

[mza8]

maynard, just wanted to chime about your dogs. My W has been the same way lately regarding our two dogs. There have been with me. She would come over to see them during the first two months after she left but has not asked to see them or even asked about them for the past two months. She mentioned something about offering to split costs for vet, dog food. All I heard from her was how much she loved our dogs...she sure hasn't show it lately.

Anyway, I love my dogs too and will keep them with me. I agree that you should keep your dogs too.

[chatterbug]

Here is a post from a very wise person. It was posted on my stitch awhile ago. I post it now. Because you will understand it. It took me awhile to understand. Gucci is a very smart person.

IMO the BEST choices are...

1. Ignore.
2. Contact via email

The other two choices would not be in my vocabulary until SHE either called me or ASKED me to call.

My top choice is # 1 (ignore) and here is my reasoning...

The thing that I have observed over the years is that one of the most effective ways to get a woman back seems to be when you leave them curious to why you didn't call them or return their call or email them after they emailed you first.

I am only talking about ignoring this for this one initial email. Since you have done such a marvelous job of leaving her alone (which was fabulous) she could be putting out "feelers" because she is starting to question her decision. Giving her this time by staying away is an excellent move because it gives BOTH people a sometimes well needed breather. During this time I would guess that she has secretly gone back and forth over and over if she really is doing the right thing. She may be wondering if she has lost you. The key is that she HAS to be wondering. Let her fill in the blanks to what you are up to.

Now. IF she is still determined and just wants to get this over with and nail down some final details, then again, ignoring is not going to hurt you in the least.

My guess is that if you ignore this one time, that she will contact you again and ask you if you got her last email. This would give you the opening to tell her "yes, I got it, but I have been busy and haven't had time to get together" (or any one of a number of reasons that show her how busy you have been and how much you are letting her go. (which again is the key to them coming back.. them feeling that you have let go)


The second option...

Email her back. Answer her questions and tell her what is good for you. This option won't hurt you, so don't think just because I favor option 1 that this option would be "wrong"...

Moral of the story..
Strong, confident men are attractive to women.
A strong confident man is decisive.
Be stong and confident, decide what you are going to do and execute.

As you get stronger. (and you are doing GREAT) you need to get to the point where you don't have to ask us what you should do, but you just do it because you know you are secure.

Remember.. No pressure. Be nice. Be confident. Be mysterious. Be decisive. Let her see a busy man going somewhere with his live. A happy man that is busy is very attractive to women..

Good luck