But I've been having one of the hardest weeks I've had in a while. Been feeling really sad, heartbroken, grieving I guess....I know what I need to do, I've feared and dreaded it for so long, it means letting go for good. I had so many hopes and dreams for he and I, our family. Have for years and years together. I do not want to go backwards, since I've come so far so I'm fighting myself I feel. But I know I have to work through these emotions and feel them as they come. I'm thinking about writing him a final letter, I am not sure if I will give it to him or not but I think it needs to be done to release it all.
I did the final letter. Several times. On occasion, I still write him an email, only I email it to myself. It has been a while since I did that, but I find it helps to tell him what a d!ck he is.
It does help to write it all out. I did a h/w letter after we had not spoken for six months. It's still ongoing.
Don't try to force yourself to feel something you don't. It is good to grieve and deal with all the emotions that come along with this, but acceptance takes a long time. It is the longest, and from what I understand, most painful step. I know that it hurts, trust me, and although I am a little ahead of you, I have to admit that there is a small part of me that still hopes that the SG will come to his senses.
((((BIG HUG NIK)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I think I will need to give it to him. To completely have closure so he knows how everything has made me feel/affected me. Then I can close the chapter so to speak. I know he will always have to be in my life which is a double edge sword almost because of our son.
I just haven't felt like this, this bad/sad in some time. I knew this would happen though as the decision to end the marriage neared. Even if my H did, it'd be quite hard to go back given all the cheating, drinking, etc. MANY MANY changes would have to occur. I really don't spend too much time thinking about that anymore because I can't control him. It's his life. His choices.
Thanks for all the support, and hug today Lol, I need it oh so much
Hey nik, You have been through so much, and yes you are grieving the loss of your M, it is as if someone died. Can I make a suggestion here......don't rush things, allow yourself to experience the different stages of grieving as they come. Denial, Anger, Bargining, Depression, Acceptance.
Originally Posted By: nikblondiew
Even if my H did, it'd be quite hard to go back given all the cheating, drinking, etc. MANY MANY changes would have to occur.
This sounds like denial or barginning but definitely not acceptance yet. I think it is a very good idea to write the letter but you do not have to send it right away or at all. Lolal is right, this is going to take awhile. I don't think you want to send a letter saying this is it and then change your mind. Give yourself time, if it is over for real then it will still be over in couple of months or a year from now.
Prayers for you and your son.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Thank you very much missherlove. I agree with everything you said and suggested. I'm sure the letter will be an on-going thing and surely won't be written in one night. I'd imagine it will be quite lengthy. I'm going to try and work through each emotion as it comes. It's so very difficult as all of us here know. I dream of the one day where I have peace in my life and happiness/companionship/family. In the meantime, I have my son and that is all I need. THank you so very much!
I would say I am doing good, I wish I could say the same for my kids. If you are familiar with my sitch, you know my D13 hates my W and my S9 is losing hope and starting to figure out that Mom is messed up.
Right now I am in a panera bread while my D13 is in her $100 an hour therapy session. I am getting along w/ my W but it is hard for it to go much further with the sitch with my D13. W is still pressing forward with Separation Aggreement (divorce in a nutshell). Lately I see more of my old W but then I think she feels us getting to close and runs back in the hole. My course remains the same but can't say it is what everyone here would call DBing, but my W is openning up a little here and there.
Zero expectations, and focus on the kids thats what I am doing.
Originally Posted By: nikblondiew
I dream of the one day where I have peace in my life and happiness/companionship/family.
Know you will, it is not just a dream. Know it.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
