I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Gnosis]

How about I give you the best example on this board... This is robx first post on the board. In it you will see he was kicked out of the house. Read that first post... then go look at rob's last thread that he started.

That's all you need to read. I see rob hasn't chimed in on your thread. He's been pretty busy in real life.

[MrBond]

You know of course that every sitch is different. You have to prepare yourself for whatever is coming. That's why you have to work on your self respect/self esteem first so that you can handle it.

Moving back IS NOT mean spirited. You are just going back home. Don't let her angry mood scare you into continuing to tuck your tail between your legs.

[Quart9]

Gnosis - Thanks for directing me to robx's threads. I am reading them now (a lot of great info to read and absorb) and I see a lot of parallels between he and I and the struggles with being a nice guy/push over.

Thank you Sénior Bond for your reply. I am trying to look at moving back as just "moving back home." Its like in the DR where it says you should act positive like you will get a postive response. I want it to be that way.

I saw my IC tonight and told her my plans to move back. She spent about 10 min trying to convince me not to. It was odd because she rarely gives me large chunks of advice or feedback - she usually just tells me to talk and gives me little snidbits of feedback. She did encourage me to see an attorney though - which I am doing in the morning.

I guess my wife is home from her trip. I went by our apt after my IC appt (like the good stalker I am) and low and behold the lights were on, garage was open, etc. Am I wasting my time with all of this because she has pretty well detatched from me. I sent her a text last Fri to see if she had left and got no reply. I checked the bank account on Sun to see that she paid to check her bagagge and got a shuttle ride the airport that morning. I heard nothing from her while she was gone and she has made no effort to tell me she made it back ok. I guess I'm retarded for thinking she might have the courtesy to do this. I have not and will not call her or text her to see if she made it home.

Speaking of that, couldn't she see my moving back in as pursuing her? When I do move back in, and let's say she actually lives there for more than 15 mins after I'm back, am I then supposed to detach from her?

[GH31]

When I do move back in, and let's say she actually lives there for more than 15 mins after I'm back, am I then supposed to detach from her?

Yes.

You move home and make it as difficult as possible for her to pursure her affair without pusuing, begging, pleading, trying to straighten her out etc.

You simply move home and say "I've decided to move home. If you wish to pursue an affair, it will not be conducted from or in this apartment".

I saw my IC tonight and told her my plans to move back. She spent about 10 min trying to convince me not to.

How many marriges has this IC saved in her professional career?

Does she specialise in saving marriages?

[jasper67]

The above is a good question. Some IC/MC's are out for the individuls alone-

[sandi2]

You said that I never came out and actually said you should move back, but I wrote this in the first paragraph.

[quote]First of all, your W knew she what she was doing when she asked you to move out to give her space.....and you left under false assumptions b/c you thought it was to be a "short separation" and the next thing you knew...she was asking for a D. On those grounds alone, you should be able to move back into your home.[/quote]

[sandi2]

Well....I lost part of my post I submitted. Here's the rest.

I don't know that that is the best step in your stitch. I do believe she likes pretending the two of you are not M and she likes you romancing her. You might do more from that angle.....but I don't know. I don't disagree about moving back in. I do believe all hell will break loose when you do, but the decision is up to you. I just believe you need to have your facts & information and be prepared. Be absolutely sure of what you want b/c you will have to go back fully armed for war.

[Quart9]

Ok I was wondering about detaching after moving back and I definitely planned to set boundaries about her continuing to talk to OM.

Yeah, I don't if my IC has saved anyones marriage before, but I will ask her. She is with my school, so maybe I need to go out and find one on my own that specializes in marriage?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

well, it is an IC and not an MC, so I'm not so sure that's a fair standard. But it's certainly fair for YOU to realize that when she advises against the DB advice you've been given, that she does NOT have any expertise in saving marriages.

I think the goal for an IC for you is to support YOU, in your own personal growth and development, and those types of things can certainly HELP you fight for your marriage, and to set effective boundaries, communicate, etc., etc. But even as an IC, I'm kinda shocked that she would NOT think that standing up for yourself is a good idea, frankly.

Puppy

[Quart9]

Sandi2 - I read a thread last night where you interacted with a member named Song. He was a LBH that moved out, and you discourage him from moving back in. Of course he and I's sitch were a lil different, but it seems like he and I both had put too much pressure on our W's. Unfortunately, his wife went and saw a lawyer and intiated the D and he quit posting.

Yeah my W really does seem like she likes to pretend like we are not M. To the point where I think it's beyond "cake eating." I think in "cake eating" she would actually still need to be communicating with me - which she has really stopped doing. I wish sometimes that we were fighting because I would then atleast have some communication with her.

To me its like she has me out of the house so outta sight outta mind. She doesn't seem to be in a big hurry to get the ball going on the D. My IC say she thinks it is because my W is conflicted, but I think that its because of $ - as in she doesn't want to spend the $ to get the D and she doesn't want to have to pay me spousal support after the D. She has stopped wearing her rings and it seems like she thinks that means she is D, and now she is out living the single life.

Do you really think she likes for me to romance her -how so? I broke a DB rule on 2/14. After I found out she left town I sent her a text to say Happy Valentine's Day and have a great trip. No reply. Maybe that is not really romancing but after 9 years of V day's together no reply - really?