H said, "I decided not to buy that house down the street because you might not like my deviant lifestyle and you might come over and bang on my door and I'll have to call the cops...."
I had no idea where that came from. I joked with him saying, "Oh sure, I know your deviant lifestyle - it consists of looking at your phone all night." But I really thought - what? an OW? Drugs? or is this just a joke?
But it got to me and later I said, "i know why you really won't buy the house - because if we D, you don't want to be near me so we won't fight." H says that's only half of it and refused to say more. I started asking him not to drop "jokes" that I don't know if they are true or not that upset me, that I don't know how to take them and they upset me. He started raising his voice and shutting me down. I just wanted him to apologize for his meanness. This is my problem.
The rest I already posted.
SO looking back, I could have said, "Well sounds like if you have a deviant lifestyle you should be worried, not me." or "Please don't say flippant comments you aren't ready to explain." or just walked away. Then I should have soothed myself and told myself that it was none of my business. I NEED TO STOP CARING WHAT HE IS DOING OR NOT DOING!
H has asked in MC that when he asks me to drop it, that I do. I eventually did, but after he had started getting mean. I need him to hear that I get hurt by these "jokes" and if he wants me to not feel upset and to drop it, then I need him to be more considerate.
I'll get there ladies. Don't give up on me.
Before bed, I said let's just chalk this up to you are sick and grumpy and I'm PMSing and grumpy. He said he didn't have to chalk it up to anything. I don't know what that means, but he let it go just like I did and that is progress. The reason I'm kicking myself is that the night was showing progress initially, he was reading what I was doing on the computer and he usually keeps a huge distance between what I'm doing and he's doing and shows no interest whatsoever.
And later I told him that when we go into the L next week to sign the legal separation the least he could do is take me to lunch. And that if he could spend thousands on a L, he could spare the three dollars for a stupid VDay card. At first he was baffled how this could be emotional for me. I asked him to think how he would feel if he wanted the M and I had a project of legal separation, he might be emotional too. He really listened and watched me tear up. He said he would take me to lunch and give me some Valentines.
I don't know if any of this is progress any more or me just taking crap from him because it's only slightly better than D. 2x4s welcome.
