Just want my H back

[25yearsmlc]

I was actually trying to figure out how to change the name/title of my sitch, but couldn't? I need to reflect one more of moving on. OTM, I appreciate where you are coming from but I'm getting tired of false hope. My H left 15 months ago and has not shown one iota of wanting to work on the M; I think I have no choice but to move on. He hasn't even been a friend to me most of this time..and while I felt optimistic about our lunch, i think he's back to his old ways of passively waiting for me to take action. After being in limbo-land for over a year, I'm tired of waiting for him to come around. And while the thought of officially ending it does still provoke a bit of panic (and a lot of sadness when I remember the good times) it's not really a M now anyway. I don't think he's reconsidering, and frankly, if he is, wouldn't my stepping up to the plate here ('tough love', demanding a bit more respect, doing what's best for me) really bring that out in the open? I almost think it's the action that I have to take now in either case...moving on for me (b/c I am just about here anyway) and also if he were to ever 'wake up' (but I'm not doing it for the latter). I don't see how the consequences of my actions would push him away further at this point - as Pearl and others have rightfully told me, he is already gone. Of course it would be nice to be able to DB realistically a bit more here, but at this point I don't think there is anything I can proactively do to save the M, but accepting the reality of my situation and doing what's best for me at this point.

once again, I say, "you get it"...and yes, it's sad that things ended as they appear to have. But there's a diff between giving up, which you did not do, and accepting what life has thrown at you and graciously dealing with the reality you were handed....You are doing the latter. You know it inside. YES I do have 2 family members who div and then remarried their exes, BUT it was years before they reconciled, and NONE of them "waited" for the other. They all moved on.... and found each other later. Your h knows how to look for you if the time comes. And you'll see how your life is then...and how he is, and all that will be revealed in time if it is to be.

Good luck, I think your thread name should change and I'd love to hear from you when you are on the side of "surviving" this ordeal. IT's a valuable experience no matter what, b/c you are a diff person. Keep the growth going....make THIS pain worth something....make sense?

J-