Oh gals, thank you. I will try. FM, I'll check on your thread. Congrats! I hope I can do it was well as you! I have had th emost luck when I've been "fed up and angry" but I have to be careful to not act angry. Just draw the line from a place where I know internally I won't take it. Why is that so hard?
I think that's an excellent distinction to make! As far as concrete examples on how to do it, I'm no help, but you are right on the money there, FM.
Good luck Hope. Remember, you're a fantastic woman and mother no matter what H says. Bullies go after the traits they're most afraid of inside themselves. Taking a step back like you're watching a movie, your H has conversations with the cat about how you "freak out"? Hello? Who's the nutjob there?
Stay strong and don't let him break you.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Shessh, that didn't take long. He starts talking about how S seems to be doing better (he has been sick) and I reply, describing what's going on, and he starts reading his damn phone. I say, "You're not even listening to me." He says "No I'm not, I'm reading." VEry matter of fact, not arguing. But the sheer insensitivity - meant to throw me off for sure.
Taking a step back like you're watching a movie, your H has conversations with the cat about how you "freak out"? Hello? Who's the nutjob there?
letter left on table:
Quote:
Dear MrH4L:
You are the best CatDad ever. I love it when you scratch my ears. I love it when you let me sit on your lap. I love it when you buy my favourite food. Thing is, if you ever insult MrsH4L again when I'm around, I'll scratch your eyes out.
Fondly, Cat
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
What if the next time he did that while you were talking, you text him or email him if that's what he's checking out on his phone finishing up what you were saying? In a "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" kind of way. And when he realizes it's from you, just give him a grin and busy yourself watching TV or doing something else.
The guy really seems to be lacking in basic manners and consideration, which given what you've shared about his father, was probably ingrained in him long ago. Doesn't mean he isn't capable of learning some basic socialization skills, but remember it isn't because he's bored to tears by you. It's some combo of self centeredness and lack of learning how to interact with people in a respectful way, but it's not about you--remember that, ok? I can manage to read an entire post from you without being distracted by the cobweb in the corner or the cat crawling on me or even, gasp, my phone vibrating next to me because there's a message and I've never been married to you! LOL
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
OMG you gals are hilarious! Thank you. i just may do all those things. He started Yelling at S again, I just stepped in and wouldn't let him near S. WOn't bring it up until MC.
He is sick, and stressed that he has to finish a project by tomorrow even though he's sick, so I'm giving him a little leeway - with all the things you've said rattling around in my head I can't help but be upbeat and happy! He has not brought me down at all! That's a true 180 for me!~ love the cat letter and emailing him when he's ignoring me with his other woman, that dang phone! Could be worse, eh?
The guy really seems to be lacking in basic manners and consideration, which given what you've shared about his father, was probably ingrained in him long ago. Doesn't mean he isn't capable of learning some basic socialization skills, but remember it isn't because he's bored to tears by you. It's some combo of self centeredness and lack of learning how to interact with people in a respectful way, but it's not about you--remember that, ok? I can manage to read an entire post from you without being distracted by the cobweb in the corner or the cat crawling on me or even, gasp, my phone vibrating next to me because there's a message and I've never been married to you! LOL
THANK YOU. It's true. He's your typical computer nerd and nobody ever said those guys were suave socialites! And his dad - oh don't get me started. Never heard a word anyone else ever said in their lives.
Ok I f**ked the whole thing up -= he told me to stop talking or leave and he left.He baited me with some stupid comment that I did not imagine he would say, was unprepared, and I wanted to talk about it. I didn't blow up, however, I calmly wanted to talk. He just couldn't because he's too explosive. Time for me to remember this is his problem.
But the good news is, we turned it around - H called immediately back and said he just is too sick to talk about things now and just let things go. I owned my 50%, validated, and let it go. Damn! I took that bait after going over it in my mind a thousand times tonight how I wasn't going to!
