Thanks, OTMT. I so rarely have days that out of control anymore. I forgot how nasty it can get. But the fact is, overly emotional or not I was at least admitting to the thoughts lurking in the back of my mind.

What if this doesn't work?
What if I don't really care if my H comes back to me as long as he keeps paying the bills?
What if I am only willing to put up with this and keep trying until I have the means to leave him?

Once upon a younger life (I feel much older than I am) I had a life, dreams, an identity. I am so sick of being (H's name)'s wife, and S's mommy, and (parents' names) daughter, and a bipolar person, etc. I want to be me again. And now I'm finally well enough to claim that for myself.

Things will work out. I've just been stressed and very lonely. And so it builds up and then I can't cope.

undefeated 24
H 24
S's 4, 2, 1
M 5 yrs

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie