I'm sorry that you're having a rough, rough time. You have a lot of life left to give to your 3 kids. I have 5, and there are days they test one's patience, but then I'm not at home all day with them...I can see why you want a break!
I hope you can find some peace and direction in your life so you can deal with your hard situation.
Don't forget, the tests of life make us stronger if we want them to.
