Another thing, man somedays, i can't get happy thoughts of the past out of my head, oh man that hurts.
I went out the other night played poker for alittle bit, I enjoyed it, what i've been doing for myself, listening to self help on ipod, reading the resources, posting to you and detailing these cars.
There are somethings I don't like about myself, i know what they are, it really is just a matter of doing it.
I still feel miserable, cried a couple times today, been a couple wks since that happened.
Saw her briefly, she dropped S off and waved and smiled, I waved with a halfsmile, it was the best I could do.She is adjusting so well or has since this summer. NO DARN D TONITE EITHER, just before I got on here, I texted her love you.
BTW i text or call the kids everynite I don't have them and have done that since all this started.
I know wife does not care what she is doing to me, especially.
It really is not fair to son, he's having to be like the messenger or something, wife not talking or texting now. She wanted to be kept in loop on kids, she does not reciprocate. D missed school again yesterday!
He said something like that's MY MOM and I said hey and that's the love of my life, too!!!It was all about a pile of stuff she left on the counter, no note, no D, asked son what was up?
I really am getting frustrated with this no contact,but right now, don't think she's capable of co-parenting and shielding D from me, isn't enabling me to show that I can be a rock, all though my attitude in other areas is lacking.I know I need money, I've got bills, I'm just consumed by this.
I'm not angry, I know this isn't really anyone's fault.
But i hear something and I get hurt and really want to get angry.Guess it's her fault, son and I went out to eat and the daycare lady yrs ago, walked over, sorry to hear about your divorce, asked how she knew, in front of son, well i saw her with her boyfriend at the store. I just replied yes she's divorcing me, it is not her fault, not my fault, just something that's happening.She offered prayers said great we need 'em.What she is doing right now is NOMB and I don't want to know about it either.
I did put my ring back on.
This is my reason, and it's my reason only that I put the ring back on.
I believe in my wife, what she was, what she wanted and she did love me.
Before our vows, we gave eachother our word, I haven't busted mine, she has, but she wouldn't have, I know she at one time had said that's why this is so hard because you didn't break your word, then she pulled her hair cause i add to her stress, that was in august.
All of us, including herself were the most important things to her.
I've read the resources, I understand the rational mind has to place blame as to why she feels the way she does and it has to be me.
I'm not letting her go in the instance that i don't love her or have deep feelings for her.
I am letting her go in that, I have not contacted her.I am definately not going to give an opinion and I'm documenting D stuff and her not dropping D off, but I'm not starting a fight about it, either. It bothers me, but I don't have any control on what those two are doing. It hurts me, but I got no control.You know seperated the person from the behavior and just trying to stay out of the way.
I'm not talking about her and my son knows I'm detailing cars now, but I'm not talking about myself either.
trying to be mysterious, I know kids pass on info, fortunately they have done what I asked and they're not passing on much too me and if they do, it's oops, hope they're doing the same when they're with wife for me.
I'm hurting,I always put her first and still am.
WHY NO EXPECTIONS,just a possibility?
80% do come back at some point I would hope she'd catch her balance.
If we were a rational couple, I don't think we would even be in marriage cnslg let alone this sitch.
Too the rational mind, this is all communication and needs.
Right now she "does not want to be married," EA ok having that no doubt, but it's more the stress of family, debt, work, and she's wanting to find herself or that was the reason last summer.
Well all that doesn't matter, my question is why NO Expectations?
I always accepted and loved her just the way she was and I do forgive her, now I know some posts sound angry, it's really more the hurt, because I know she didn't really do all this rationally, it's to get away from stress (ME).
I do, I do forgive her and I do care what she thinks and feels, I don't like how she feels about me at all. But I know what's going on, that's got to be a plus?
