I know that I've told you this before...but just get it over with. The anxiety is coming from not dealing with it. The anticipation of what you think might happen is worse than just doing it. You don't have to be rushed and you can stipulate that he is not to be there. If you get some legal advise first, they can help you with how to do this. The longer this drags on the less power you have over it. At some point, you will loose your rights to whatever you left there. Talk to a lawyer and just do it.
Forgiveness is a tricky thing. You would think it's about the other person but it's really not. It's about you. Once you can truthfully say, I forgive you and mean it, it's so freeing. This is what I did. I wrote down all the things that I needed to forgive when I split with my ex. Then, one by one, I burned the papers in the fireplace. You could do it on a grill if you don't have a fireplace. It sounds corny but it gave me a real sense of letting go.
That's what bugs me about legal system. You think you have a right to stay in the house, but here I am locked out and cannot do anything legal about it. L said I should not have any problems getting my things, but here I am having them. I am afraid no one is telling me I will lose my stuff in the house, but if I drag it that's what's going to happen.
I think it's hard to forgive, because the action has not stopped yet. If someone runs up to you on a street and starts beating you would you try to protect yourself or would you try to forgive?
Having a hard time picking myself up. Sometimes I get "I can't believe I married a piece of trash" running through my head.
I hope it's only me being moody or hormonal and will catch up with life soon. I don't sleep well, have nightmares, wake up too early, and then have a headache all day.
At a hockey game I went through my whole situation with a coworker and I spent much of the time just detailing all the bouts of depression in W's life. In my case, I married someone with significant emotional damage that eventually overwhelmed anything I was trying to do to help.
Another friend told me she's been divorced six years now and is completely over all the old feelings.
I can't imagine that either, but I'm better today than I was 10 months ago.
I guess you can try focusing on far you've already come instead of how far you have to go.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I don't feel that I have come far. C said to sit and feel all the emotions you have, and supposedly once you've gone through them, you will feel better. It's more than half a year now, but I'm still sitting in it. I know time heals, but I don't feel like I've moved on a bit.
For me, once our last court date was over and all the legal BS was done (or so I thought, lol!) I felt like the weight of the world was lifted from me. Of course I was still sad but so much anxiety just vanished.
After that final court date my sister took me to lunch. I know this because she told me so. Ask me where we went? No idea. What I do know is once I came home from court/lunch I fell asleep on the couch and slept for 16 hours. My phone had tons of missed calls and texts and I never once heard a thing. My mom was ready to have the police break down my door. I think it was the best sleep I ever had in my life.
I think once you have your things and the legalities are more settled some of your anxiety will diminish. I was stressed to the max and until that final document was signed and I felt the relief, I don't think I realized (fully) the level of anxiety I felt.
I thought I would be a wallower in this sitch. That fits my highly emotional personality. But instead I found that I didn't want to wallow. Yes, I was sad and angry and upset at lot. What helped me a lot was to ask myself, What good is this doing you? Is it serving any purpose? So I would give myself 5-10 minutes to bawl then go about with the rest of my day. I think setting a time limit really helped me, otherwise I may have just stayed in bed for days on end.
I think CG is right as well. Once you get the legal stuff worked out you'll be in a better place.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Also, not sleeping well will do a number on you in both the physical and emotional sense. Having a headache all day from being tired is enough to push anybody over the edge.
If you don't want to take a RX sleeping med how about trying evening yoga, bedtime tea or some other home remedy. I really had to teach myself to turn off my brain once I went to bed.
