Need Help! - Am I wrong? Should I hold out Hope?

[newmama]

Hi, Destiny,
Confusedwife told me to check out your thread! Well tomorrow is a big day for you. First, let me tell you that on Oct 14 my WH said "I am completing paperwork for D" I flipped out, etc. The very NEXT day I found DBing and start acting calm, cool, collected, confident...like he never even brought it up.I have not shed ONE tear in front of him since. Instead I have been GALing, and 180ing but also working on areas that were lacking(self improvement). And 4 months later, no mention of D talk. I'm not a success story yet, but maybe WILL be?


SO I tell you this because TOMORROW you can start to change and turn this around for yourself! Good idea to picture what he might say or do to manipulate you. Now practice picturing yourself NOT reacting to nasty comments. Maybe saying "Hmm." or "Yes, I know you feel that way. So how about those deductions?" Meaning change the subject swiftly.

Look good, you will feel confident after meeting with your L, DO NOT APPEAR EAGER to see him...take your time, force your face to be pleasant looking but not a huge teeth eating grin (LOL) because you missed him. And do not let your anxiety show...pretend you do not expect him to bring up D talk. You will be making it look like you don't need to pursue him or tell him how great you are because YOU KNOW it. Think to yourself "this is just a phase he is going through...be patient, Destiny" the whole time.

Think of it like this- if you were told you got to eat lunch with George Clooney to discuss the town where you live for a movie role, you are going to do your darndest to keep your nerves in check, and not gush all over him and will want to act like "yes, I talk to drop dead gorgeous celebrities every day!"

As for him "baiting" you where he wants to see you get pissed off, visualize seeing the words hang in a talk bubble, then the bubble breaks open, the letters fall one by one and slide down your back. You can ignore his comment, say "Sorry you feel that way" or excuse yourself to go to the bathroom/check your phone/pick up something that "dropped" on the floor.

AND IF HE BRINGS UP D talk...you say "Well, you know that I do not want this. And you feel you want it.But let's discuss it another time. I have a meeting I need to get to/we need to finish our taxes first/etc."

If he tries to pin you down for a time, just say "I need to check my calendar and I'll get back to you!"

Then no more pursuing....and you can be assured that your H will know you don't want to D him (haven't you made that clear even if you don't tell him tomorrow?). He will just be curious as to why you aren't paying attention to him. ANd human psychology---we want what we can't have/don't know what we lost until it's gone, etc.

And then set some goals for yourself! What areas will you improve? What hobbies/classes/activities will you do?