Is this piecing?

[Freckle6]

"reacting defensively rather than assertively"

I think that's an excellent distinction to make! As far as concrete examples on how to do it, I'm no help, but you are right on the money there, FM.

Good luck Hope. Remember, you're a fantastic woman and mother no matter what H says. Bullies go after the traits they're most afraid of inside themselves. Taking a step back like you're watching a movie, your H has conversations with the cat about how you "freak out"? Hello? Who's the nutjob there?

Stay strong and don't let him break you.