now...here is the BIGGEST bounce of all...sitting down? if i was Lost b4...im not sure what i am now...
h has been helping build props and stuff for d 9 at school, well yesterday she had the idea to instead of get on the bus and come home...she decided she was going to the school office,she told them she was waiting for her Daddy to get there and she wanted to help HIM since he is always helping her...ok she has a mind of her on so not too out of her realm...worked out ok too for both of them so it turned out ok...
today h is talking to me when i get home from work...says he want to come home, to be a good dad again, good husband and be able to have his family again...however he is afraid "IT "will be like it was b4 so he's not sure what to do...
1st...im not sure what exactly this means 2nd...dont know what "IT" means...he hasnt shared anything except what he blames me for 3rd...dont want him to come home until he is himself...i dont want him to leave again
what the heck do i do or say without freaking him out?
he said that our daughters actions yesterday reminded him of what he has...what he is missing...
could this be real?
i have no idea on how to handle it...
although i think this all started over 3 years ago...he has only been out of the house for 6 1/2 months...
he looked and sounded sincere...just dont know...he has not mentioned ever coming home b4...obviously it has always been the opposite
any input appreciated!
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
I wish you had more time to find the real you. Not this reactive person...
No offense.
Lost.
You really do not know what IT means?
IT was you and him. Your old marriage...with all its broken parts. The taking for granted, the assumptions, the way you both dealt wwith anger and aggresion the shutting down...the "Fine!"s
Everything.
He has a right to be afraid of IT.
You should be worried about IT...too.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I get that IT is the marriage, and yes it scares the schit out of me...I dont want to go in a circle and make the same mistakes...neither of us do...
a better way to put it is that yes, we have both blamed each other and ourselves...we have never really had a conversations about specifics...just the biggies that were constantly thrown back and forth...
i dont want to be reactive...im still in ic and working in that and myself in general
how can i approach anything? if its not all out on the table...how are we ever going to be able to get through it?
i wish i had more time too in a way...the last thing i want is to EVER be in a situation like this again...for us, our marriage our children...
if we are being given this chance and we both want to take it...i DO NOT want to be in a hurry, i dont want to screw it up...i want it...ALL OF IT to be better than it ever was...in many ways!
I have learned alot from my mistakes and im sure i will continue to learn...im not sure if h feels the same way without knowing how to bring the subject up...
btw...no offense taken! if anyone knows how harmful my reactions can be it is me...
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
Definitly wait. Let him pursue you. Do not pursue him. Let his ACTIONS speak. Not his words. Take it slow and for YOU especially keep your expectations at zero.
This could be just a touch and go. You can enjoy it while it lasts but don't read too much into it.
Yes, also you need to think about what Jack wrote. Your old M is dead. You can build a new one but you have to start thinking about that. This is the hard part. (in case you thought what you went through wasn't hard)
I'll recommend a book I just read. The five love languages by Gary Chapman. If things settle down with your H maybe you can both read it and take the test at the end. But don't push anything right now.
