Just want my H back

[25yearsmlc]

Hey HHH, LFA and 25-

I am thinking that HHH's question about fighting the D/not fighting applies a bit to my sitch about selling/not selling house to X.

If I fight for the house, it is very "more of the same." Closes all doors. Tears down any possible roads.

If I let go of the house, it is something different. Leaves us in an amicable place.

I had truly thought I was "done," but with the house issue, all sorts of "what ifs" and "maybes" are back to torture me.

If we have a horrible court fight, if he "loses" the house, he will hate me forever.

In theory--I don't care, or hopefully soon I won't care. God willing I get to that place.

I need to do what is best for me, but I am suddenly in an emotional whirlwind of--is there something I can do that would be DB'ish?

I was reading some of Gucci's threads--trying so hard to get my head/heart to a WAW place. I know I can ACT WAW.

But fighting over the house seems to me, at any rate, PERHAPS to indicate to X that I am not WAW? That I care something about the R?

When really, what I want the house for is a comfortable place with tenants that cover the mortgage. (and yes, we know, to keep X from moving OW in)

Any thoughts?

Aver,

where's your thread? Can you name it please?

J-

PS Do what's best for you legally/financially, and that IS Dbing when it comes to handling your property and money. FYI --don't be a doormat.

Take care of yourself. IF a Div has been filed and is happening, you have to separate the financial/legals from the relationship issues and you have L's do that for you. That's why you hire them. Blame them if you want, but you refer all those "businessy" questions to the L's while you are busy being upbeat and FUN to be around and all that and (So what if it costs HIM money to divorce "fun beautiful and friendly old you"? That is NOT about you, it's a financial consequence of a unilateral choice HE made....)

So keep it all separate. If he has questions, and they don't relate to you two and your R, but to property, deflect....refer....do not address without discussing with your financial advisor or attorney.....

Make sense? Trust me on this: He will NOT respect or love you more b/c you don't fight for what is owed you...in fact, if anything it'd be the total opposite.

Who cares if he gets mad? How old are you? NO OFFENSE!! But are you saying You can't handle someone being upset with you? Would you be LESS upset if you had to retire 5 years later IF EVER, all so you can have no conflict in the next 4 months?

If you remain calm and separate the issues from the relationship as if there are two entirely unrelated matters (property accumulation and the relationship ARE separate in my mind anyhow) then you'll come out the best way. NO, not without any waves but all in all, it's the smoothest and best. And to me, it's DBing as well.
j-