Hey GW, Thanks so much! You are helping me get a better perspective on this whole thing. I do know that I will ride through this part of the roller coaster ride, and it does make a huge difference that H and I are on the ride together. Facing these things together is creating a bond for us that is deeper than we have experienced before.
But... underlying all that is this nagging feeling that is the leftover of broken trust. It is this sense of "do I want to ride this roller coaster with you, or get off now while I still can...?" I think it is going to be some time yet before I can feel fully resolved about that.
H was reassuring me last night about being the ultimate winner in this too... and I teased him and said, "so, you think you are that much of a prize do you?" and we had a good chuckle over that. It is nice to be able to laugh together again. And, sometimes that is the only way to get through these things.
But, seriously... my H was telling me I am a winner in this no matter what, because I maintained my honor and integrity through it all. No one can take that away from me. And, no measly award can touch that!
