Next steps

[avermont]

OK...here's tonight's emotional roller coaster:

I had decided to go ahead and work on that community play, as tech director/set designer. Director reminded me that she had asked me first, so I decided to do it. X is lighting designer

Then worried about production meetings. Finally got enough of the set designed that it made sense to go to a production meeting tonight. Knew X would be there. Braced myself all day. Thought about wearing something flattering; acting cool and friendly; just doing what I do when I work with a production team.

Met with director pre-rehearsal. She told me that she gave X a heads-up that I would be at the meeting tonight.

He actually CALLED her (this guy doesn't talk about feelings, very private) to say he felt HE couldn't come to the meeting if I would be there.

He also specifically asked that the day of "load-in" (getting the scenery and lights all set) that set work happen all in the morning (which is normal enough anyhow) and he would work on lights later in the afternoon. Very specifically setting it up so we would not be working together. Very specifically told director he was uncomfortable with this, and had thought things would be arranged so we wouldn't be working together (at least not much).

Well. Other than having a big anxiety attack as director is telling me this--I think: who is further on detaching? Seeing as we had worked together side by side on that bathroom project back in Sept/Oct, and our meeting to do bills in December was amiable enough, I really thought that we could be in the same room, look at technical questions as part of a team, and get through the project OK.

I promised the director I wouldn't bring my own personal drama into this, so tried very hard to just breathe thru this news.

Part of the pain, of course, is hearing how other people get to email and talk to him. Know more about his life than I do.

Part of the pain is I was thinking about tonight as a good demo of how I am moving on (and looking gorgeous).

But--wow--I am totally blown away that HE feels uncomfortable. What does that mean?? I know we can't know that. I know what matters is how I feel. And I want to work on this show and make it look good and have fun doing it.

Wow wow.

Comments??