Crushed - Don't move out unless you absolutely have to. You think its tense now? Wait until your in your tiny solitary peaceful 'lil room and your lying awake at night wondering what she is doing, who she is doing, why did/didn't you do this or that, etc. That's hell man.
A bit of background...
In 1997 (I was 27, she was 28, our son was 1 year old) I was cleaning out the garage and found a ton of lingerie in a box. I asked her about it. She denied it was hers, then admitted it was hers but claimed it was from a previous relationship. She never wore lingerie for me and it looked quite new. There was a lot of it.
She has always protested a bit *too much* and it was an open secret after that point that she was dating. She was discreet about it and I somehow came to accept the fact that I couldn't control her. I only insisted that she be a good mother in the home, keep her extramarital stuff outside the marriage (the definition) and keep up appearances for the kids' sakes.
Around 2002 she came home late one night. Sex has a certain smell and it was all over her. She stunk up our bed and from that point on I slept on the couch. It was a few months after this that she had a pregnancy scare. We hadn't been intimate for six months prior, but she pretended to get very offended when I reminded her of the fact.
I have already made peace with the fact that she'll "do anything with anyone at any time..." (her favorite phrase which she has used many times, including just a couple of weeks ago). I don't care. I'm simply sick of the relationship.
Seriously, I don't know now whether to envy you guys or envy myself. I remember those days when I knew it was happening and couldn't do anything about it. I was so hurt and helpless. "Why does she love everyone but me?" I used to ask. For the past several years I've simply yawned and gone to bed in the guest room. Her impulse control problems are not mine, and while I'll miss the idea that maybe I have a wife who has her good moments (and she did have many) I'll be done loving someone who will not love me back and I'll be glad to be rid of her.
Yes I love her. Yes it still hurts a bit. What hurts most is the time I've wasted trying to get through to this woman. I'm so burned out it's a relief to dare envision a future in which I can fulfill my own needs on my own terms.
M:40 W:40 2 teenagers ILYBNILWY: 09 January 2010 soon to be walking away my situation
