WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

So, a few weeks back I realized I really needed WAW to not leave for a few months so I could get finances in order and get going on my new job without having to worry about being a single parent. She seemed in a hurry to go so I told her that I wouldn't care what she did with her private life, etc. if she would just stick around a little longer.

This was a mistake. I realized Monday that I wasn't capable of handling this. Here is what happened:

She was acting strange Monday, like she was stressed out or nervous and had something on her mind. She was really grouchy in the morning for whatever reason. I didn't think much of it. I had talked to her about the things I was doing that day - needed to run errand to X or Y place to get something fixed, etc. When she said she was leaving to run errands I asked " where do you need to go?" I didn't ask in an inquisitive way - it was basically just small talk. She said "Errands" and clearly made the point that she didn't want me to know.

Well I confirmed that she either went to see OM or went somewhere to spend time on the phone with him.

I didn't say anything about it, but for whatever reason my reaction was I am done with this. I want her to dump OM and prove it or divorce me, and if she picks neither I am ready to file myself.

I told her this. We have a mediation appt Monday and I think after that appointment (where she will get child support and alimony numbers) decisions need to be made. I told her I won't accept this any longer. She said decision to separate was already made and that is why we are going to the mediator. I corrected her and told her I won't sign a separation agreement so she can go and be single while we stay married, and that the only option is D if she won't break it off after all this time (it has been 15 months - long enough).

She said "what about what you said about an open relationship?" and I replied I changed my mind and that I was doing that to keep her around while kids finished school and I got financial affairs in order, but it is wrong and won't work. She still denies that she is having an affair, blah blah blah.

I have been out of town. Things are brewing. I need to take control - this is no way to live.