Maybe if things work out with someone new as I said I'll be able to detach and not care one way or the other about anything to do with my ex.
This would be wrong IMHO...You don't want to get back into a situation where you are depending on someone else to make you happy...Have you read anything on co-dependency?
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Maybe if things work out with someone new as I said I'll be able to detach and not care one way or the other about anything to do with my ex.
This would be wrong IMHO...You don't want to get back into a situation where you are depending on someone else to make you happy...Have you read anything on co-dependency?
I read "Codependent no more". I just want to forget about my ex...and the only way I see that happening anytime soon is to move on with someone else. I dont want there to be waning interest as the days/weeks months go on...I want no interest.
I don't know if you intentionally ignored my long message, but let's get this clear. YOU will never be rid of her because of your D. You have to start learning to get along with her or else your D will suffer in the end.
Do you want to put your D through all that? And besides. Say you find someone else. Does she really need to see more drama going on? You can't even control your own actions, how do you plan to explain them to your D? Forget your W for a sec. Are you a good role model for doing so?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"I read "Codependent no more". I just want to forget about my ex...and the only way I see that happening anytime soon is to move on with someone else."
It's obvious you read it and didn't take a single thing away from it. You know all you're going to do is repeat all the mistakes you've been making so far.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I don't know if you intentionally ignored my long message, but let's get this clear. YOU will never be rid of her because of your D. You have to start learning to get along with her or else your D will suffer in the end.
How can you get along with someone that doesnt want to get along?
Due to my actions/reactions as well as likely input to her from other people...she's not really speaking to me and is nothing but hostile towards me...and in turn all that does is make me angry towards her.
If she would snap out of this crap and get over stuff...things would be fine...but she isnt willing. Like I said she just keeps adding up anything and everything I do...no matter how small or long ago. If I held everything she ever did to me against her I'd have probably left her a long time ago...but I didnt.
And no I dont want my daughter going through this. I pointed out to her that D3 is being punished when she punsishes me with the hostility and silent treatment...and she thinks D3 will be fine and she's being a positive role model for her.
I would say in my current state I'm not a very good role model for D3...mainly because I'm still trying to regain my balance. Before any of this happened I was a pretty good one...taking care of her and the house while still providing for her and my ex.
Like I said to my ex in that email, I was willing to compromise many times and still am...but every time we made a deal, she ended up changing the terms to suit her more, which in turn provoked me, which in turn caused her to end the deal, then the whole thing repeated. Now there is no deal...and nothing I can say will get her to drop her act.
"How can you get along with someone that doesnt want to get along?"
You figure it out. But start by deciding to figure it out.
"she's not really speaking to me and is nothing but hostile towards me...and in turn all that does is make me angry towards her."
HELLO! Did you read anything anyone posted to you? She's hostile towards you because you keep prodding her. Did you actually read DR? First thing is to STOP with the R talks. But you just can't do that. And THAT is what's pissing her off. YOU.
"If she would snap out of this crap and get over stuff...things would be fine...but she isnt willing."
Be honest with yourself. THINGS WILL NOT BE FINE because you haven't changed at all. All of the issues she had with you have not been addressed. Why should things go back to the way they were when she hated that? Both of you need to change, but it starts with ONE person.
"Now there is no deal...and nothing I can say will get her to drop her act."
There is no act. You have it in your head that she's been "changing" the arrangement. From what you've posted, she didn't do anything but respond to how you were acting towards her. And you haven't been compromising with her. Saying that you are going to do something and EXPECT her to do something in return is not compromise.
Dude the way your M was is over. The sooner you get that in you the better. Even if you get back together it will be different than it was before.
Your D is seeing the both of you look like two spoiled kids going at it. Be the adult for a change and be that role model again.
In your case, I would strongly not recommend you find someone else because the amount of drama you're bringing onto yourself is going to be carried into that new R. And your D is going to see all that drama and think that's normal. How about bringing some stability first in you and go from there.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
HELLO! Did you read anything anyone posted to you? She's hostile towards you because you keep prodding her. Did you actually read DR? First thing is to STOP with the R talks. But you just can't do that. And THAT is what's pissing her off. YOU.
I dont have a problem stopping the R talks...not anymore.
Originally Posted By: MrBond
"If she would snap out of this crap and get over stuff...things would be fine...but she isnt willing."
Be honest with yourself. THINGS WILL NOT BE FINE because you haven't changed at all. All of the issues she had with you have not been addressed. Why should things go back to the way they were when she hated that? Both of you need to change, but it starts with ONE person.
When I say things will be fine...I wasnt meaning that we'd get back together. I dont want to get back together with her anymore. I just meant that all this hostility, stress, and anger would end and D3 would be better off.
It would seem that the majority of her hostility stems from the three big things that happeend since she left...my going over there and catching them that Friday, my making emasculating comments about myself that she thought meant I was gonna abandon D3 (which is why she said she lost all respect for me), and the email or emails that the OM received that she thinks I sent.
She used her R issues with me as excuses to leave and be with the OM, and she is using these three issues as excuses to be hostile and whatnot. I shouldnt have expected anything less.
Is there any doubt why I wouldnt want to be with her anymore?
I think the best solution is to get a formal custody agreement drawn up, and as sandi suggested, have a go-between specified, and then she and I dont have to interact with one another and any D3 business can be relayed via the go-between.
She can then go on her merry way with OM and I'll go on mine.
Hmmm. I must've missed that part. Page reference anybody??
Puppy...you made me laugh....which isnt easy nowadays. I know I've done nothing but R talk with my ex up to a few days ago. But as I said I'm done with her as anything more than D3's other parent. If I had a choice/legal leg I'd even like to be done with her in that respect too. IMO A mother that would rather be at the bar than home feeding her crying baby at 3AM doesnt deserve to have a child.
