Thank GOD you wrote this!! This is IT...period. YOU GET IT!! Congrats...so speaking of GAL and moving on, how's THAT going?
j-
HAHA! It does feel good to finally break free. Yep, I have alot of fear still inside about what will possibly happen someday with baby and court, but have realized that was alot of my spinless issues before....FEAR.
S2- Three comments: 1) When you operate in fear, you are not operating in faith. REFLECT ON THAT....
2) Most of your fears are irrational, in the sense that the realistic worst case scenarios are actually not that damn bad, and are very manageable in reality. Your fears of losing custody are so unlikely that it's hard to take seriously. I'm sorry to sound snotty but in your X h's case, it's SO NOT going to happen, I can barely spend time telling you to stop worrying about it. It's...not healthy thinking okay? Really it's a tad off the wall of you to even go there, so you have to drop that. I'd fear him falling off the planet and never paying CS a heck of a lot more than him getting custody of a toddler he has SO MUCH TIME FOR NOW and...well, I could go on but it is pointless. You have to get your "tubes" back on that one...he ain't gonna get her! Period....
3) Living in fear saps us of love and joy in life and ironically, causes us to make much poorer choices, which often leads us to poor results that would not have occurred if we'd made healthier choices. AND those decisions made in deference to our fears, actually often bring about the very thing we feared. For instance, a gf of mine who feared losing her h to an OW b/c she became a SAHM and felt less attractive, sexy, important, etc...(ALL stuff about her own insecurities that had nothing to do with her h...) She became so paranoid, jealous and possessive and then cold and hostile to her h, that she was in effect, pushing him away & maybe into the arms of OW. (She also made herself and her h miserable...so even if he'd stayed, what kind of life is that?)
Same goes for people who are terrified of being alone. They get so needy and clingy they push their spouse away and then, voila, they are alone! And they make their own lives miserable in the meantime too. They will revolve their lives around their spouse, the "needed ONE", and thereby "prove their love" but really it just shows they offer the spouse nothing but a mirror. The fearful one loses their own identity since all they really care about is NOT being alone...they want their spouse to make them feel safe...Well gee, that is SO NOT attractive (or fair or mature or even loving). It's just needy....and when they point to being left as proof that their fears were well founded after all, they miss the truth in point, which is that They created their LBS status by creating conditions in which it became a likelihood....make sense?
Last but NOT LEAST, who wants to live in fear? This life isn't a dress rehearsal. The time we have here is the only time we get and we don't know the amount. Tomorrow is promised to no one....
I used to worry a lot in part b/c I was raised in a family with a rageaholic father. As an adult, I found myself worrying for almost an hour a day....all told. And it was as if I thought my fears would alert me to something amiss, as if my fears were aiding me in some way. I eventually realized how wrong that is. My fears & worries changed NOTHING, but how my time on earth was being spent. The wasted time adds up, too. To YEARS of emotional imprisonment-- ALL self inflicted....
[color:#000099]Be happy. Let others around you be happy. Love yourself, love others, and enjoy your life. God gave it to you, just for that. j-
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M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
