oh. well, I was thinking that you would be okay with giving him different times, if that wasn't something he tried to do ALL the time. so that's why I added the last sentence.
I get that and would be better about it if he didn't blow off his regular times. I think if I give in too much he would never abide by any rules and he would just come and go when it suited him, MGF, or his other kids.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
If she sets a precedent of allowing him to see her whenever it is convenient for him, she will be setting herself up for more complications with him
that wasn't my intention of the statement.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
SO2, what fun plans do you have this week with D? you've been really good at getting out with her lately. probably helps when the weather is better too... this summer will be great for you!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
SO2, what fun plans do you have this week with D? you've been really good at getting out with her lately. probably helps when the weather is better too... this summer will be great for you!
I am actually going to dinner with some friends Saturday night for a gf's birthday. They are going out after dinner as well, but I will come home. Just going to dinner is a treat for me. D18 is watching baby. Its supposed to be cooler and possibly even rain this weekend I am really enjoying this weather. So much more to do when its nice out.
BND and ST...I think you both are right. Give exh a hand he will take a mile. We are divorced. We have separate lives. If he meshes in here with his own schedule based on his whims, moods, drinking, sexual issues then I will never get on with my life. As for baby, she is doing just fine without him really. Yes, he is her dad, but he isn't really there for her.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
...I am really enjoying this weather. So much more to do when its nice out.
BND and ST...I think you both are right. Give exh a hand he will take a mile. We are divorced. We have separate lives. If he meshes in here with his own schedule based on his whims, moods, drinking, sexual issues then I will never get on with my life. As for baby, she is doing just fine without him really. Yes, he is her dad, but he isn't really there for her. [/quote]
Thank GOD you wrote this!! This is IT...period. YOU GET IT!! Congrats...so speaking of GAL and moving on, how's THAT going?
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thank GOD you wrote this!! This is IT...period. YOU GET IT!! Congrats...so speaking of GAL and moving on, how's THAT going?
j-
HAHA! It does feel good to finally break free. Yep, I have alot of fear still inside about what will possibly happen someday with baby and court, but have realized that was alot of my spinless issues before....FEAR.
GAL is going fine. Weather helps alot with that. We can get out of the house and do more. Working really hard on my online course. Plans with friends this weekend. Working around the house and baby playing outside is great for the attitude as well.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
[/quote] BND and ST...I think you both are right. Give exh a hand he will take a mile. We are divorced. We have separate lives. If he meshes in here with his own schedule based on his whims, moods, drinking, sexual issues then I will never get on with my life. As for baby, she is doing just fine without him really. Yes, he is her dad, but he isn't really there for her.
Quote:
Thank GOD you wrote this!! This is IT...period. YOU GET IT!! Congrats...so speaking of GAL and moving on, how's THAT going?[quote]
YAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Exactly! Remember your time is as important as Xh's and he has walked all over your time without giving even a rats AZZ.This is the schedule he agreed to and Im'e sorry but, I feel that his work schedule can't be that screwed up can it if he agreed to this visitation schedule? You have also caught him in so many lies as to when he said he had to work and wasn't.
Again KUDOS for Liberating yourself from so much of his drama!!!!
You go girl.
JAK
Last edited by JoJo's circus; 02/17/1008:43 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Thank GOD you wrote this!! This is IT...period. YOU GET IT!! Congrats...so speaking of GAL and moving on, how's THAT going?
j-
HAHA! It does feel good to finally break free. Yep, I have alot of fear still inside about what will possibly happen someday with baby and court, but have realized that was alot of my spinless issues before....FEAR.
S2- Three comments: 1) When you operate in fear, you are not operating in faith. REFLECT ON THAT....
2) Most of your fears are irrational, in the sense that the realistic worst case scenarios are actually not that damn bad, and are very manageable in reality. Your fears of losing custody are so unlikely that it's hard to take seriously. I'm sorry to sound snotty but in your X h's case, it's SO NOT going to happen, I can barely spend time telling you to stop worrying about it. It's...not healthy thinking okay? Really it's a tad off the wall of you to even go there, so you have to drop that. I'd fear him falling off the planet and never paying CS a heck of a lot more than him getting custody of a toddler he has SO MUCH TIME FOR NOW and...well, I could go on but it is pointless. You have to get your "tubes" back on that one...he ain't gonna get her! Period....
3) Living in fear saps us of love and joy in life and ironically, causes us to make much poorer choices, which often leads us to poor results that would not have occurred if we'd made healthier choices. AND those decisions made in deference to our fears, actually often bring about the very thing we feared. For instance, a gf of mine who feared losing her h to an OW b/c she became a SAHM and felt less attractive, sexy, important, etc...(ALL stuff about her own insecurities that had nothing to do with her h...) She became so paranoid, jealous and possessive and then cold and hostile to her h, that she was in effect, pushing him away & maybe into the arms of OW. (She also made herself and her h miserable...so even if he'd stayed, what kind of life is that?)
Same goes for people who are terrified of being alone. They get so needy and clingy they push their spouse away and then, voila, they are alone! And they make their own lives miserable in the meantime too. They will revolve their lives around their spouse, the "needed ONE", and thereby "prove their love" but really it just shows they offer the spouse nothing but a mirror. The fearful one loses their own identity since all they really care about is NOT being alone...they want their spouse to make them feel safe...Well gee, that is SO NOT attractive (or fair or mature or even loving). It's just needy....and when they point to being left as proof that their fears were well founded after all, they miss the truth in point, which is that They created their LBS status by creating conditions in which it became a likelihood....make sense?
Last but NOT LEAST, who wants to live in fear? This life isn't a dress rehearsal. The time we have here is the only time we get and we don't know the amount. Tomorrow is promised to no one....
I used to worry a lot in part b/c I was raised in a family with a rageaholic father. As an adult, I found myself worrying for almost an hour a day....all told. And it was as if I thought my fears would alert me to something amiss, as if my fears were aiding me in some way. I eventually realized how wrong that is. My fears & worries changed NOTHING, but how my time on earth was being spent. The wasted time adds up, too. To YEARS of emotional imprisonment-- ALL self inflicted....
[color:#000099]Be happy. Let others around you be happy. Love yourself, love others, and enjoy your life. God gave it to you, just for that. j-
[/color]
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Exh just left. He came by for 20 minutes. I did ask how his d15 was liking track now that it started. He said he had no idea. He hardly even talks to her. She wants nothing to do with him unless she needs a ride or something. Never stays with him and he hasn't seen her in almost a week and only talked to her twice. He thinks its because her mother is not as strict as exh. I think its maybe a bit of that, but also she has no respect for exh. Hes burned his bridges with her and she is wanting to stay with her mom. Of course he doesn't see that. Its exw1's fault, its d15's fault, but exh is a perfect parent. He said he is thinking about not even showing up for her track meets because she is blowing him off. Oh the one sort of smart a** thing I said was when he said his and d15's relationship is just different now...I said ex, all of the relationships in your life are different. He just gave me a dirty look
He just doesn't get it. Sooo glad its not my problem anymore.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I am really enjoying this weather. So much more to do when its nice out.
