I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I have no idea. I guess you'll have to ask her.

Btw, people tell you the things that they do because they feel they stand the best chance of WORKING, based upon our collective experience. Not out of some cheap vicarious thrill. We want to help others avoid the same mistakes WE made.

I have yet to ever encounter anyone on here that says "I wish I had taken a softer stand."

Puppy

[MrBond]

Quart9,

Yes it is your life. But have you REALLY been reading the posts of other people's stories? They are all the same. In each case, the WAS tries to control the sitch.

When I found out my W was having an A, she told me to leave. I told her "hell no" and kicked her butt out. Sure you should have done that before, but that was the past.

Getting your self respect back has nothing to do with getting your W back. You stand up for yourself because it's the right thing to do. And besides if she leaves, then what? Are you saying that you are happy to not have your self respect?

What you're doing right now isn't working. Get that drilled in.

She's got your balls in her pocket right now. Why should she give in to you? You know right now she's fooling around with OM and I wouldn't be surprised if you went into the apt. that you found pictures of them together all over the place.

All the excuses she gave you about how she can't trust your changes, etc. is just a smokescreen. It's easier to point the finger at someone else rather than looking at their own faults.

ALL of our spouses have done it. We are all just speaking from experience. It took me awhile to stand up to my W. I had the same fears as you. But I did and things are much better between us. Are we going to get back together? Who knows? All I know is that I have control over my life and that I have my self respect.

[Coach]

Thanks Puppy for your feedback. It is easy for someone that is not in my shoes to tell me to pack up all of my sh!t again, go rent a u-haul, hire a day laborer, and move it back into an apt where I'm not welcomed (and possibly have to get the police involved in order to do it).

This is my life dude, not just a post on a message board on the internet.

I think most of us have walked in those shoes.

From Dirty Harry:

Harry Callahan(PDT): Well, I just work for the city, Briggs!
Lieutenant Briggs(Q9): So do I, longer than you, and I never had to take my gun out of its holster once. I'm proud of that.
Harry Callahan(PDT): Well, you're a good man, lieutenant. A good man always knows his limitations...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

"Now you know why they always call me Dirty Harry."

"Why's that?"

Callahan: "Every dirty job that comes along . . . "

[crushed_v95]

Quart:

I am living under the same roof as my wife, and it is so tense I can't stand it. I wish I had the resources right now to rent a tiny room someplace so that I could have some semblance of peace. I plan to do exactly that in a few weeks.

There is something to be said, I think, in giving up and starting over when you've done everything humanly possible. I wonder: have I done everything possible? That's the great question. Maybe moving out and filing will shake my wife up enough to force her to question her behavior, but I doubt it.

Peace, man.

[Quart9]

I know you guys are not after some vicarious thrill and y'alls advice is given based on what works/so I avoid others mistakes - I do appreciate that.

Yep, I have read many sitch's on here and the WAS always seems to try and control the situation. That is exactly what my W is doing and I realize I need to take a stand. Unfortunately, I have not read any sitch's where the LBS moves out (like a dumba$$) like I did.

I'm beginning to feel like I just need to face reality and accept that we are headed for divorce - especially before I move back in. All of her actions and what she says point to it, and I need to accept that so I can release my fear of moving back in.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

They can't kill you if you're already dead.

Puppy

[Gnosis]

Unfortunately, I have not read any sitch's where the LBS moves out (like a dumba$$) like I did.

Hey! Nice to meet ya fellow dumba$$! FYI... there are many sitches here where the LBH has been fooled into moving out. Don't feel alone. The ones that moved back in were the ones who came out better in the long run. So... do this for yourself.

I'm beginning to feel like I just need to face reality and accept that we are headed for divorce - especially before I move back in. All of her actions and what she says point to it, and I need to accept that so I can release my fear of moving back in.

So accept it. It's the first step towards detaching and regaining some control of the sitch.

[Quart9]

Crushed - Don't move out unless you absolutely have to. You think its tense now? Wait until your in your tiny solitary peaceful 'lil room and your lying awake at night wondering what she is doing, who she is doing, why did/didn't you do this or that, etc. That's hell man.

[Quart9]

Unfortunately, I have not read any sitch's where the LBS moves out (like a dumba$$) like I did.

Hey! Nice to meet ya fellow dumba$$! FYI... there are many sitches here where the LBH has been fooled into moving out. Don't feel alone. The ones that moved back in were the ones who came out better in the long run. So... do this for yourself.

I've read your sitch Gnosis. I would be interested in reading the sitch's of the other LBH fooled into moving out. I have not had much luck finding them on here - remember any of their names/topic titles?