H came in again after 9...getting sick of him coming in so late all the time. I didn't notice at the time but he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. This morning I noticed and asked, "hey where is your wedding ring?" he said, "oh in my car I took it off because my hand was swollen and it was pinching me." Sell me that bridge! He did drink alot the night before so I can see the swelling but c'mon he has never taken it off before.
Anyway no real words this morning. He is ice cold. He was complaining about some stuff and said, "I don't even feel safe in my own home." I said, "you're a big boy that is ridiculous - maybe because you have to hide your phone and be secretive about what you're doing huh?" I know it wasn't a positive thing to say but I'm tired.
I have that sick feeling back again that won't leave me. It's awful. I'm going to try and focus on my kids this week. I've got a list of important stuff to do while he's gone so I'll be busy with that. I still have to locate the H of the ow and that is scary to deal with. I know sh*t will hit it when I notify him.
Guys...keep praying for me.
No 3 things today...too busy.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Question for you... are you coming here to actually get help, or just a place to log your frustrations? You've been given AMAZING advice by SO many people here. We all have to take what we're given and adjust, but you don't take ANY of it, and then come back and whine about the treatment you've taken, again.
It's frustrating.
OK, if this is his (HOW MANY TIME) that he comes home late? WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT?
OK, if he, AGAIN, treated you cold and distant, etc... WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT?
Etc, Etc, Etc... You're right to have a sick feeling. You're ALLOWING yourself to be a victim.
YUK
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Mind is exactly right. Look, i am not going to be that cheerleader right now so put your hard hat on. Unfortunately some of us will only try to help for so long if we don't see that you are REALLY listening. It's okay to not make good choices here and there, but I have rarely seen you make a good choice and follow the advice given. I know this is hard, believe me, we ALL KNOW. and for some of us, we've been in WORSE sitches.
I'm sorry to tell you, it's going to get worse, and it seems that it will only be then, when you REALLY hit a crisis that maybe your eyes will open.
we DO love you, and we can see the big picture, and your stuck in the middle, but you won't help yourself out. It just makes me sick to think how much hope you have in your sitch and that you are still stuck doing the same thing.
mind talked about the things he did wrong and what actions you did not do, I'm going to talk about the things he did right.
Quote:
So...we were walking back to the car by this cool bar he says, "hey you wanna sit and have a beer?" this was goodI said ok. this could be good depending how you said it. were you excited or were you blah. We were there for 4 hours! We talked about matter of fact stuff and as it got later talked a little bit about R. There wasn't a whole lot said but he told me he didn't feel love from me (he's told me that before)This is SOOO good, 4 hours! you guys must have been enjoying yourself, and him saying this is a great step to communicating. my best friend just had the same comment told to her last weekend and you know what she told him (because she has heard my story for 3 years, she was somewhat prepared when her bomb hit her last week. she said "I understand, I really never have given myself to you fully, I have been really hardened to protect myself." She amazed me, and she's on the step to healing already. He also said, "do you know how it feels to be sleeping on the couch?" I said, "it's your choice to be there." He talked a little bit about the future (visiting my sister) and his job and stuff. I do not believe anything he says. His actions clearly speak he doesn't want our R to work. Why are you saying you don't believe him? true, we can't believe everything they say, but he was opening up to you. If he didn't care for you he wouldn't give a crap. So when he said he hadn't felt love from you, why not say, "I understand. Has there ever been a time where you felt loved by me? do you mind telling me what I was doing different then?" and you mention he has said this before. well, I know why and you know why, so let's try to gain understanding for his feelings instead of focusing on your own.
Anyway....he started touching me and saying he's always been attracted to me blah blah are you serious? everyone on here would be dying to have their WAS touching them. Like Mind said, are you really here to try to save your M, or just gain sympathy? we really want to help you save your M, and I know that you can, but I don't know what else to say to you, or what we can do so that you will understand. We went home and he slept in my bed - literally. Well do not be waiting to give me my 2x4's cuz I already gave um to myself.
please, don't listen to us for us, listen to us for YOU and your kids.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I do admit I sound like I'm complaining but it is really bad here. I happen to think you guys are giving my H too much credit. He is very selfish and does not think about me for a minute. He wanted to go to the bar to have some drinks instead of going home..it's not that he wanted to spend quality time. Remember the day before was valentines and didn't acknowledge me and left the entire day (most likely to be w/ ow) which is so offensive.
I talk to my friends everyday and they all tell me they can't believe how patient I've been and that my H is walking all over me. I have taken the advice here and I've gotten frustrated I know. I guess I'm not good at letting someone treat me like crap.
I personally don't believe there is hope in this. How my H acts towards me is my proof. I'm going to tie up some responsibilities and focus on my way out. I just can't take this anymore. He doesn't call anymore and has no accountability - no matter what is going on that is unacceptable. Taking off his wedding ring and all the other crap he's pulled...I'm disgusted.
Please don't think any of your words were wasted! I have appreciated all of you like you don't know. I know in my heart I tried to be here and to listen and he doesn't want any part in it because he's too busy in an affair. I can't fix this all by myself there has to be TWO people working in a marriage.
Emotionally drained Luv...
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
luvless: I feel for you so much. Our situations aren't precisely similar but they are somewhat commensurate.
I would love to have a wife who cared where I was. I have never gone out socially without my wife, not once. I always wanted to go out with her, but once we were married that faded pretty fast and hasn't happened. She goes out with others. I'm the unpaid babysitter/housekeeper.
The jerks don't know what they're missing.
M:40 W:40 2 teenagers ILYBNILWY: 09 January 2010 soon to be walking away my situation
