No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[MrBond]

NH,

I read your sitch and I would have put a stop to that one right off the bat.

In my sitch, the A was in the past, but it's what stirred all of this in the first place. My W told me she was leaving me for the OM. I told her it was inappropriate considering he was her boss and that if she continued to see him, that I would take custody of the kids. I immediately kicked her out of the house that day.

Like your W, my W is a nurse and she had gotten into an EA with the doctor she works with.

It comes down to laying a boundary and establishing a consequence. My W was like yours whereby she was flaunting around the fact that this was her decision and there was nothing I could do about it. She was right. All I could do was live how I wanted to.

So with the help of so many on here, I GAl'd and detached. Well or detached as best I could. I continued to work on me and did the things I wanted to do. During the interactions she and I did have, she was just downright nasty.

I would validate as much as I could, but then there came a time when she wasn't changing her tone, so when she went off on her tirades, I would hold my hand up and hit her with a truth dart. I would just tell her what the truth is of whatever she was saying and then walk away. Not angry, just stating the truth.

Oh she got mad. She threw tantrums. But I held firm. In time, she softened and the more I stood up to her when I felt she was being unreasonable, the nicer she became towards me.

It all comes down to personal accountability. Right now your W doesn't want to deal with the consequences of her actions. Deep down inside, she may know what she's doing is wrong, but she's going to do it anyway. There's nothing you can do about that. But what you can do is control how you are being treated and your outlook.

There is no timeline. I've been at this for just about 2 years. Right now things are just starting to get a little better. Do I think we are going to get back together? Who knows? I'm not thinking about that.

Think if it like a rock in raging surf. Your W's actions are like an uncontrollable surf. You can either get swept up in them or learn to navigate the dangerous waters until you get to an area of calm.

Establish what your boundaries are. Write them down. You may not think you have any leverage in this, but you do. Your leverage is YOUR morals, beliefs. She has no right to trample on them any more than you can trample on hers. She'll goad you into an argument to create drama and justify what she's doing. She needs justification. Don't fall for it.

Live for you. Not her.