flowmom | shifting from devastated to rebuilding

[flowmom]

I myself am stressed and taxed. Both sons are sick again,like always. I worry so about my younger son and again asked my hubby about autism (he does socialize well, speech delays still, teeth grinding, major sensory issues). He always states there is no way to know yet. It stresses the hell out of me. Just now I played a game with the kids together and Chris would cover his ears b/c his brother speaking was too loud. He is a good sorter, likes to line things up (although my hubby reminds me that many kids w/out Autism do the same thing).
IDK, he is definitely not the norm and it is exhausting.

Hugs to you...there is nothing like a mother's worry. Most children who are on the spectrum have sensory issues, but most children who have sensory issues do are not on the autism spectrum. The covering the ears thing could be sensory issues or auditory processing issues or both. I know for my S, it's not just one thing...he is probably dealing with multiple issues, including giftedness which can make it harder to tease out the areas where there is lower functioning.

How does he justify his leaving, when he know it will upset and stress the kids?

He convinced himself that we are in a "high conflict" marriage and that we're doing more damage to the kids by staying together. And that the kids will be happier if he's happier. There's a grain of truth to that because we were walking on eggshells all fall due to his anger management issues. I have some punched-in doors that still need replacement (just to be clear: no physical abuse).

He stated that arguing in front of the kids was detrimental, what if there was less arguing? What would be his rationale then?

H is in a victim role on that one. He sees himself as a conflict avoider and the arguing is all my fault. He actually tries to suppress negative feelings (while indirectly communicating them very clearly), then explodes when he can't take it any more.