Keep The Sound Advice Coming!

[25yearsmlc]

I don't know if there are facts missing....but your L does not impress me as a fighter. How'd you hire him? I live in CAL and from what I see, there are no gender preferences allowed as a matter of LAW... Please, I don't want to hear it. THere are pros and cons to it,but we are gender neutral so frankly, I don't buy the L's story. And I do know something about this as I was in your shoes as a mom with a L degree who had stayed at home for several years. The one staying at home with the kids, regardless of gender, has SOME advantages....

So if the kids were at home with mom OR DAD, it's legally the same and frankly, I find the cliche that "it's a female judge" a really hack excuse for mediocre lawyering. Plus, any L who threatens to dump you this way isn't too impressive either. But again, I don't know if there are other factors you are not aware of that I would find relevant, (b/c I think you are being forthright here.)

As for "who would listen" to you about parental alienation, it's a matter of LAW and FACT and child services and the court would be a place to start, but YOU have to communicate and be BRIEF when you do so.. and only list important stuff, not a score card. Read up on what parental alienation is before you do so. No one cares about OM by the way. Sorry but that is not relevant in no fault states. But bashing the other parent IS..

So stop whining about how you might not be listened to as if there are special rules making you a victim. Stand up for yourself and call a "Father's RIghts" attorney if you have to. I would. I would NEVER be in a sitch wherein I had to hope that my L would throw a hail Mary pass b/c nothing so far had gone my way, and that somehow ONE THING would go my way after all the bad calls the L made, all b/c it was so unfair..BS...

what has your L accomplished for you? Oh, half custody? YOU HAD FULL PHYSICAL CUSTODY so any L could have gotten you that and many would have gotten you what I got, which was joint LEGAL custody and FULL physical custody so h would have had visitation. HE KNEW he'd lose on that battle as I had been bonding with the kids when I made lateral job moves and stayed at home. A trade off?? Oh to be sure - but in this one respect, a trade off I'm grateful to have made.

But you didn't get money from her from the get go, and I think it was your choice not to pursue that and at least partly YOUR effort to "man up", and not go for what the boys were entitled to, b/c of your pride.

I get that. I really do. But it is a trade off and now you are facing the costs of that trade. Do you believe your w respects you more for it? Was it worth it? I'm not trying to rub your face in it. I want you to think hard and long before you make another choice that will affect you long term, just to save some face now, or just to think you are saving face for the moment... I think doing what is truly right by the boys now, includes providing for them and for the life of me I don't know why your w's business would be hit so hard now...seems odd to me. As I said, it's based on what she HAS earned and her earning capacity. That was upheld in the State Supreme court....so how'd she qualify for a "hardhip"?
Oh, her L filed for it? That was a good move on her L's part....Again, how'd you pick your L? Was he the cheapest? Did he promise you things that are not coming through, or what? I'm curious.

As for job hunting, my L told me back then, that was the last thing I should do if we were to come to a divorce time since there'd be less of a disparity in income. But the real reason I held off going back full time is what the child therapist said, which was that "the last thing your kids need now, is to lose another parent to a career move" (meaning me going to work full time AND h being gone, would be a 'lose lose' orphaning for the kids at home). So I agreed, and held off and frankly it was tough b/c working is good for my self esteem and sense of independence and at THAT time it would have been very nice to get that. Oh well, it was a trade off. And I guess I "won" that round, or our kids did.

So get something when you can-assuming it's not a bad idea legally. From what your L says, nothing matters legally so you may as well get some real income.

Ever think about Getting a teaching credential (don't tell me you can't as I am doing it now and it's not brain surgery)--at least take the exam to get on a substitute list and then find a program for the credential, if you cannot Test out of some, and get a loan for it-a school loan, not hard to qualify for)...SOMETHING that you can get that will free you up. For a single parent w/a college degree, teaching has obvious benefits in terms of kid's
schedules...

Anyhow, that's it for now.
J-