OH my, ladies, you are the best friends - and I haven't even met you face to face! I'm ashamed to share this anywhere else (except my best friend). Thank you for sticking by me - I'm going to take this advice very seriously! First of all, I think you're all correct - he must feel threatened that I AM changing and he can't really blame me anymore! If not, he's totally blind and there's nothing I can do but wait. I will think over a list of responses, post them here, and ask for your wise advise. Thank you~! rr22 0- I think you are right, I need more of the "shut up or put up" feeling toward H. I have been trying to follow DB principals by "listening/validating" / "having patience" / "doing 180s" all that, but perhaps I am letting him get away with too much? It's hard to get that he is really blaming me so he doesn't have to own his part. If I can get this, I can be a lot stronger! He really does blame me - and not to say he doesn't have a lot to be angry about. But why hide his head in the sand? Why provoke me? I'm trying hard not to provoke him - he says he "notices" but "doesn't trust" my changes. Time I held the same belief of him!
My IC (same guy that's our MC) said that I should hang up on H when he's abusive. I've had some success with hang up/walk away with his overt behavior, but this subtle stuff, does it deserve the same? I could do it without reactions...just up and walk out.
Yes, sadly, there has been some jabs through S, although not often. He makes these jokes ("mom is crazy", "I'm not going to take forever with breakfast, LIKE MOM DOES" ETC) with S and gets him laughing at me. I assume this is what his dad did to his mom.
I guess it's time I grow a pair and bring this up in MC.
Freckle, your response is the winner! LOLOL "I used to pee and crap my pants too but I out grew that." I love it. Yes, frying pan needed, please.
rr22 - I believe H thinks "smackdown" is deserved too. So maybe I can just go along with him - take the charge out of his nastiness. "yep, I used to be that way." Then his punishment is not effective.
Also I am going to bring up forgiveness. I'm ready for some. LR - you're right, I need confident sexy sassy responses - not my forte, obviously! Ok, more later.
