having some second thoughts about job...

[SoCo]

I've been reading your struggles here, and have just a few thoughts.

First, I am curious as to where your W lives that it is not possible for you to find a cardiac job at least somewhat near. Is it a very small isolated place?

Secondly, I understand loving your career. I love my career and I will say that there is a part of my identity that is being a teacher. Now, I did not train for as many years as you did, do not make as much money as you do, but still I love my job. HOWEVER, if I had to choose between being a teacher and not having my kids, or being a checker at Wal-Mart and having them, there choice would not be difficult at all. Yes, I have to pay the bills, but you can live more frugally or find a second job where you can still be with your kids.

The third thing I have observed, is SOME, by no means ALL males seem to have a far greater ability to detach from their children than women do. I know that we gave birth to them, but I still find it interesting.

Lastly, just some food for though from my own situation. My kid's dad since we have separated has done a horrible job. There was a time when he moved away from a few months with gf and did not see them. Now he sees them, but has such mental problems and has traumatized them so much that they do not like being around him. My older one (9) for sure, and my 4 yo is quickly getting that way. They are detaching from him due to the fact that he does not put them first and put whatever problems he has aside when they are around. He put HIMSELF first.

I did not do this by any means on purpose, and cannot control his behavior with them. I used to BEG him to be a good dad and put his kids first.

What I see happening now is that they are detaching from their dad due to his behavior, and are growing more attached to my bf of 9 months. Why? Because when he is around he behaves as their father SHOULD. Works out and practices sports with my son, helps with homework, plays and jokes around, cooks with them, helps with chores, talks to them,helps out their mom, etc. etc. These two men are like polar opposites, and kids are smart creatures.

If you choose to be THERE for you kids, doing all the things dads should do, then your kids will be bonded with you. BUT, if you choose not to, I would just be prepared that someone else will probably start filling that role. A sad but true fact.

Really think it through. Obviously if you are going to change jobs and move, but be a miserable person because you have lost your "identity" in life, and your kids are not your top priority, then it would be pointless.

Whatever you decide, I would just be prepared for the long term consequences of that decision.

Hope you don't take this as a negative attack, just sharing some thoughts with you. I don't like to be mean to people.