Dropped the boys off this morning with W; told her how S9 was behaving - hitting himself in the head, saying he hates his life and he wants to kill himself. (Alarming but hyperbole...) He got a spreader in his mouth yesterday, and finding it very frustrating to eat, but the reaction is over the top, and in line with the other ways he's acting out.
W reached out to hug me when I left, I just shook my head and grunted no.
We have therapy today... what I want to say is that when I think about her "character" that she wants to defend, I think about what's going on with the boys. I want to say that we're there in therapy because she has expressed second thoughts, but then when we talk about it I'm left holding the bag. I'm tired of being jerked around. I want to say that marriage should be a commitment, not something you shrug off. This little speech she likes to give about "we're both good people" I want to object to. I'm a good person. Not so sure about her.
All pretty self-indulgent, huh?
I guess what I really should say is simply that I believe I'm going to be better off after and I'm ready to move forward.
