DQ, I'd be curious to know if your husband had a significantly stronger sex drive when he was 20. If so, would his drive at that age have been a match for you now?
I'm curious because the issue in my marriage is certainly a developed mismatch. I was very careful to pick someone who appeared to have high drive. But, of course, there is no way to figure out at age 20 if someone is going to sustain a high sex drive until 50 and beyond.
And are there women who are like me, who have had a sustained high sex drive from their teens all the way through middle age? I hear that even when a woman's sex drive is high, it's often more situational and not sustained without exception.
To you ssmguy...you have left me a couple of messages on a couple different threads, asking a couple different questions. Rather than litter any of those other threads, I'm just going to tell you this right here on my own thread: I have spent literally hours writing to you on the thread I created for you "Women with HD...", and you don't seem to retain the things I write to you. You nit pick at some of my points and totally ignore others. You keep bringing up the same topics over and over and even though I refute some of what you say, you ignore me and bring up the same topics again over and over. Therefore, I have concluded it is a waste of my time to write to you as you aren't actually paying attention to what I have said in the past, therefore why would you pay attention to what I write now or in the future? Good luck on your journey SSM.
DQ, I've read all your responses. None of them have been "ignored", except in the sense that in some cases I did not write back an acknowledgement or discuss it further. You have been very generous with your time, and I cannot reasonably expect you to donate more of your time to my case!
You are not the first person to be frustrated by my many "tried that already" responses. But it's an outcome of long experience, including highly regarded professional couples counseling and sex therapy. Which, of course, puts any casual forum contributor in a difficult spot of trying to provide a "better" or "novel" approach that's going to work. I've even had some people take it as a personal insult that I've had a long experience of having tried everything they suggested. To them, it seem I was just making up every "tried that already" response.
I looked over many of your responses just now, and I don't see where you answer my most recent questions. But I would agree they aren't all that important to solving my problem.
If I don't reply to a point, it doesn't mean I ignored it. I don't want to get caught up in an intellectual argument, which won't solve any points, since this is really about matters of the heart, and the groin, and life circumstances and things which don't follow logic. My reading comprehension and logical skills are fine, having put me at the top of the academic and professional world. But that's also part of the problem. These are matters where argument and logical rebuttals don't solve a thing. Even people who barely managed to graduate from high school often have great sex lives.
But most importantly, thank you very much for your hours of responses. It's more than I could have asked for. My stupidity in these matters is due to my over-intellectualizing, among other things.
Also, some of these discussions and disagreements stem from fundamentally different values among people. And again, logical discussion can't fully resolve those.
"I looked over many of your responses just now, and I don't see where you answer my most recent questions."
YES SSMGUY, THE POINT OF MY LAST POST TO YOU WAS THAT I WILL NOT BE ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS BECAUSE YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION ANYWAY....and you missed that point as well. Get it?
It seems your style is that you assume I ignored a point because I didn't acknowledge it. I hereby acknowledge that you will not be answering any more of my questions.
You've already been very generous with your responses, so don't waste any more of your time with me.
I don't recall ever posting to you but remember when you first came here. I am very, very happy for you - you and your husband are very fortunate (I thought to write "lucky" but "fortunate" sounded better) to have each other.
This struck me:
Originally Posted By: DanceQueen
He knows he is lucky - - but because he is an alpha male, he isn't used to thinking about it in those terms.
Hmmmm....
My W and I have always had lots of sex during our marriage also, we still make love 4-5 times in one day sometimes, even after nearly 11 years of marriage, and unfortunately, infidelities.
There's no trust, respect and (I don't think) a great deal of love anymore but we've always had copious amounts of sex.
The reason it struck me is W has often said "You get far too much sex GH31" which has left me scratching my head in bafflement, thinking "Huh"?
I never made her do it and she's always been a willing participant if not an initiator. A lot of the stuff I do is what some writers refer to as alpha behaviours but I'm not convinced that this alone makes W the way she is around me.
Originally Posted By: DanceQueen
Because he has always had plenty of sex whenever he wanted it, he doesn't think of it as something that requires "luck".
Very interesting, I've never really believed in luck either.
Interesting indeed!
Thanks for posting and again, sincerest congratulations to you and to DanceKing!
GH31
Last edited by GH31; 02/22/1008:13 AM.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
I never made her do it and she's always been a willing participant if not an initiator. A lot of the stuff I do is what some writers refer to as alpha behaviours but I'm not convinced that this alone makes W the way she is around me.
Women can be very different in this regard, as I'm sure you know. Most women might want what DQ describes as the alpha male, but not all. My wife was always turned off by what she describes as alpha male behavior. She's head of a department at work.
A guy who thinks he knows (not saying you) what women want, knows nothing. It took me some years to realize that.
