she has made it such that "this is the way it is"... she interrupts me when they ask if I am staying, or when I am coming back and tries to smooth it all over "daddy has to work"... "daddy loves you"... all these things. So in my heartbreak, defeat, despair, and loneliness, I suppose there is a part of me that feels if I can go and at least salvage one thing in my life-- my work-- then I could feel better about things.
You have the opportunity to change this. Stop allowing her. Be Strong, kind and firm..... You have got to want it though. Tell her you want to be more involved, take action to become more involved.
As far as your fear of only seeing them on weekends, why accept that? That's looking a bit too far ahead regardless. I don't know how things are in your state, but here, if a father has his act together and desires and takes action toward having an equal role in his children's lives that's being viewed differently now. More and more the question is being asked "how is it beneficial to the children not to have equal parenting time?"
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I guess all I can say is that just when i finished my training... just as I have begun to develop a bond with those boys... my wife stripped them away from me. so I still feel somewhat detatched from them.. they are still somewhat of an abstract concept to me. Fatherhood is still something I am just learning to do-- but admittedly it is not at the top of my list...
That makes sense, but why it's not at the top doesn't.
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I love them... i love being with them... but she has seen to it to limit the connection and bond that we have. She has done this on purpose, I feel (or subconciously on purpose) so that they are not sad. so that they do not miss me or realize how tragic it is that they do not have me in their life. she is prepping them for the future... she is prepping them to never have me fully in their life.
Take action to change this. Yes, it's difficult with so much going on, but these are your kids man.
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My reserves are empty. I feel worse every day. I am just searching for a way to get to a point that I do not feel so empty, alone, and terrible 24/7.
Make this about you and your children.
I can't stress the importance of seeing the right MC as well. They are NOT all equal, not even close. Do your homework here.
