mb, I have been reading the excellent advice you have been given and I have nothing to add. But just wanted to let you know that I have been following from the beginning and you are doing awesome! Keep it up!
H & OW are now burning up there phones. They are now talking to each other all the time, more then ever. I know everyone says there convo are not good. Should I be worried about how much their talking has increased?
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
They are arguing and trying to figure out who exposed them... they have way too much stress going on right now to be cooing at each other... Don't read too much into it.. honest, its nothing to be concerned about...
send your H that text i wrote you... I am very worried he has already dismissed your ultimatim earlier...
I found out last night that my drunken uncle called my H and bashed him for abandoning me and the kids. My H is a great dad, and I've never complained about him as far as the kids. Of course my H took it out on me, it's my entire fault. I've ruined him by telling everyone all these false things about him. I just responded with "He is a drunk, and no one else has ever said anything about you as a father". I know I shouldn't had responded, however I did feel bad that my uncle did that. After I sent that text, my H apologized for upsetting me. I didn't respond.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Same vote here mb28. And your husband is NOT a good father when he CHEATS.. If you think for a second his behaviour is NOT affecting them you are mistaken... they feed off negative energy easily... He's diong damage to his entire home with his behaviour... any bashing he gets after exposure is HIS FAULT.
Do NOT coddle him or enable him... which is exactly what apologizing for your uncle does.. this is exaclty why we reccomended NOT talking to your H.... you are easily manipulated into enabling him right now... do NOT contact him... he is giong to try to manipulate you into feeling SORRY FOR HIM...
The response is as always
"This woman is HURTING our ENTIRE FAMILY and YOU are ALLOWING IT... DO NOT CONTACT US UNTIL SHE IS GONE"
Your husband is going to be playing VICTIM for the next few weeks while the damage rolls in on him.... this is not the last of it... do NOT ENABLE him...
By this I mean do NOT allow him to put YOU in a position where YOU feel sorry for HIM...
He has been HURTING YOU FOR WEEKS... do NOT allow him to make YOU feel like the bad guy here... HE IS CHEATING ON YOU and has NOT STOPPED despite how clearly you have made your hurt to him... he is NOT to be CODDLED at ALL... this will just allow the AFFAIR to CONTINUE
Let him suffer... this is how he GROWS UP...
Just like a CHILD ... he needs to learn consequences... and when you coddle him you do not allow him to grow up and experience that... you are NOT helping him when you enable his "poor me" behaviour.. ok?
In short, its HIS BED, you have to LEAVE him to LIE in it... he wont' like it, but don't do ANYTHING here... shut yourself OFF from it...
Get to your safety zone and let him face the consequences of his chioces... he will come to you to HIDE from that... do NOT allow that... He needs to LEARN to be an ADULT... facing your choices is how you do that.. he's hiding from them still... he hasn't grown up... please help him to be an adult here...
That means HE needs to man - up and take ownership of the damage he's done... berrating you for exposure coming down on him is NOT adult behaviour.. do NOT accept childish behaviuor from him... if he isn't interacting with you like an ADULT.. do NOT engage him...
How old is this man? Do not let him come crying to you when exposure rains down on him... he needs to FACE the exposure head ON... shut him OUT oko?
Allen A, I was doing good at not letting him engage me the last couple of days. However, when my uncle mentioned the kids and him as a dad I did feel bad for him. I see now how wrong it was. My first H was never around for our son when we D. And my current H, I know he will always be there for them. He has always been a great dad, so my first reaction was to defend him.
He did try to bring up other stuff besides the kids and what my uncle said. I felt I did go with those, I wouldn't engage and walked away, and he didn't follow.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
