Nightshade -
I don't want to start sounding like a broken record on the boards, but I recognize so much of my H's behaviors in your H - and in my H's case, clinical depression was the problem. Somehow a little prozac in him made most of my flaws disappear! I really noticed the last time his depression reappeared how short and irrationally irritable he became with the kids- and this from a guy who is usually superdad! Once he restarted his prozac he went back to being his usual good-dad self.

I know it can be hard to get a guy to admit he needs treatment for this. You might try bringing the topic up gently - but it has to be in a very non-threatening way. Or maybe you can sneak up on him - get him to start taking B vitamins and fish oil capsules for his heart, buy a light box "for yourself" but let him get some exposure to it every day, get him out exercising on a regular basis. I know it's hard when you're really close and the gun is aimed at you, but recognize this is his illness speaking and try to help him. It will pay off.

Ellie