Thanks for clearing that up Vali. But, you now have raised another term I want to research - Romance based laungage.
Jack, it is great to have differing opinions. I suspect you may have had similar disagreements with Puppy in the past but I dont usually follow debates too much (except for the LostPhil debates ).
Eric, I am not saying that you should snoop further or try to expose an affair. Every situation is unique and has some grey area to it. For instance, it is difficult to define whether ones spouse is MLC, WAS or simply temporarily in a fuzzy zone from being sucked into an A. Or the betrayed spouse may have different levels of tolerance towards an affair based upon their personal values, culture or up bringing.
I was just wanting to let you know that there are times when exposing an affair is the right thing to do and can be done without being vindictive. Here is a really good article (which quotes Michele Weiner-Davis) that discusses the exposing of an affair...
If you ever do decide to expose, I can tell you, from my own experience, to be cautious about letting friends and family know. It is better to confront personally so as to remove the luster of secrecy and then back off. My exposing was a huge disaster for a short period of time, but it also did not cause my divorce - she did something much worse which crossed my line and I filed. When I exposed my W's affair to her brother/mother, my stupid intention was that they could talk sense to her better than I could because of culture/language differences (my XW is Thai). I also did this before I could get any advice from these forums.
Finally, it is so easy for those of us not in your shoes to be arm chair quarterbacks. Some, like myself, are not feeling the intense painful emotions related to matters of the heart you are going through. But, keep in mind that we also can see things in a different light than those caught up in the situation. There is a big picture that will take time for you to see. And for the time being, the best thing you can be doing is learning to DETACH better, losing fear, being consistent in your words and actions, GAL and focusing on the kids.
Your W said September for when she wants to file. That is a long time from now, but even more, it is tough for an MLC/WAW to really pull the trigger and file for a D. Many times they will try to get you to go along in agreement. Because of that, you should lose the fear because I doubt that a D is imminent.
BTW... I dont think your W is MLC from reading your situation. I would classify her more as a walk away wife - you said you were controlling and maybe you were not listening to her well. Maybe she felt that she did all she could to get through to you and she reached her point where the marriage is over out of frustration in her mind. These are things you can address as something to change and she will only see them through consisten actions - not from you pointing the changes out.
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