I don't know - W has recently been hot on getting the D done ASAP. Tonight I typed up my thoughts on the settlement. I think I'm going to push ahead.
I'm suddenly feeling a swell of self-respect. I'm pretty sure I don't want to do this anymore.
My son had a hard day today, had a spreader put in his mouth, and he was really throwing a fit - but this isn't the first time I've heard him say that he hates his life. He's nine. He's hitting himself in the head, he bangs his head against the wall. His twin brother is angry - he's dug his nails into his brother to the point here he leaves marks. I lay that at W's feet. She doesn't see it that way though. Yeah, we're taking them to therapy. But I can't stand it.
It's pathetic, what she's chosen to do. And yes, for a marriage I want a real relationship.
I don't know Mark. If I want to point to hope - this is something my wife wrote, on this very message board, on 1/4/2004, the first time we went through this -
Quote:
Hi Everybody, I have interrupted Bill's message to you all to say a few words....from the "enemy" (he, he). I'm Bill's wife and I am just as impressed with him as all of you are. I never would have imagined that anyone could love me as much as he has and continues to do so. I have always worked from the basis that people don't change that much after a certain age. It seems to me that most of us are pretty hard-wired after 30, and try as we might, we just are who we are. Bill proved me wrong. I never wanted to leave Bill. We got married with the understanding that divorce would NEVER be an option. The problem with that statement is that it doesn't take into consideration the quality of that marriage. It is so easy to sink into the comfort zone and basically just go through the motions. Bill had checked out and I just couldn't seem to reach him. Therapy, the grace of God, and Bill being the amazing human being he is totally saved us. Bill loved me even when it was painful and never accepted defeat, even though it meant facing some very dark demons he had been hiding from. We never called each other names or used put downs and even stood up for each other when others encouraged us to do so. That's our strength, even in the face of splitting up we still had the utmost respect for each other. Even though I questioned whether or not I still loved him, I still saw him as a family member as we always would be bound by our children. I cannot say enough about how truly amazing I think my husband is. He has become a more amazing father, lover, friend, and life long partner. (And ladies he is just as beautiful on the outside as he is on the inside). Now I just simply can't get enough of him. So incredible, since just a few months ago I couldn't even imagine us living in the same house together. Anyway...didn't mean to interrupt, but thought you might like the view from the other side. God bless you all and a sincere "Happy New Year". Bill's Wife
Yeah. I'm not sure exactly what my point is. I guess that things CAN come back. It CAN be more than second best. I don't know, at that time our problems were different, there was no OM, it seems like I was much better at this DBing thing. Crap, it's late, and I'm rambling.
