Quote:
Maybe I'm wrong, but my thinking is that if she is sincere in truly wanting to reconcile she will stop the R with the OM.


?

What could you possibly be wrong about?

Your marriage doesn't stand a chance while there is still contact between OM and your wife, kid or no kid.

Quote:
My fear is that if I offer to attempt a reconciliation (and I'm no where near that yet) she might accept, but not for the right reasons.


You are absolutely justified in having this fear. Everything has its own reason for existing.

Quote:
More because she needs financial support and needs someone to pay (literally, not figuatively) for her child.


Now whatever gave you that idea?

Experience perhaps?

Quote:
I'm not interested in being the backup plan


Good.

Ensure you communicate that to your wife with action and not words.

GH31



Me: 46
W: 46
T: 23
M: 20
DS12
DD11
DS5

W left: 01/28/08
Discovered OM: 02/26/08
W back for 9 days: 04/08
W returned 05/21/08
EA/PA - 01/08-07/09
W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)