Shiny, the funniest thing is that he usually is in control. I tend to let things go as long as they're not creatin gproblems and I know that since the affairs I most often than not relinquished control to him just to avoid situations that are not worth the trouble. AS I said, I usually choose my battles, and try not to create any new ones if the issue is not important.
It does seem like he feels the need for more control.. but hey, he's been having it all along. I know that the fact that his self esteem tends to lower really fast might make him feel like he's not heard. But he knows he is...
I don't know. It's like I have to go trough life tiptoeing making sure that I don't do anything wrong.. and you know what, I am only human. ONe of the things that came up, when his first affair, was the fact that he was still seeing me like the model of perfection. You know how that happens in the beginning of a relationship, we tend to overlook, actually not even notice, the other person's faults. But with time that kind of blindness is "cured"> Which is sometimes a reason for marital disagreement and some affairs. When people finally realise the spouse is just human. MIght squeeze the toothpaste from the wrong end and live the toiled sit up instead of down. THe thing with rui is that it took him almost 15 years to get to that stage... and that was at the time of the first affair. Me, I'm no better than anybody else, I'm not perfect neither do I intend to be - that would be trying for the impossible. And I can see Rui's faults the same way I see mine. I just love him enough to overlook, agree to disagree or just accept them whatever the case might be. I do try to do my best in all situations but I know I will make mistakes like everyone else. It has been a big stress ever since the affair because he does seem to expect me to not make any. As I said before if everything is well, than we're having the best time. If something is not well, than it's all my fault. I shoudlnt' have let that happen.
Yes... I need to talk to him.. ANy suggestions on how to put all this? They would be really appreciated. I still feel a bit too hot to be able to come with something that will be neutral but to the point.
Hugs nightshade
"Each and every one of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought and the gift of understanding. "
