Next steps

[flowmom]

From another thread:

Hijacking again--

HHH, LFA, ml25-

Please, I need help with this question:

I want to live in the house. I want the advantage of having tenants pay the mortgage. I don't want to start over in a new house. X has the skills, time, and energy to make over a house. I don't.

X and I have no contact.

I am suddenly crazed with the grief of the finality of it. The grief of getting a formal proposal: Get out by August 1st. (bombaversary)

Do I back out of the house gracefully (but taking good care of myself financially)
This might indicate a graceful WA, done, who cares, big deal, have the house.
It might be very good for me financially, and probably emotionally.

If I fight for the house--to protect myself financially and emotionally--so I have a stable, familiar place to keep healing in--it will drive a knife so deeply between the two of us, I'm not sure we could ever exchange civil words again. And living in the same small state, we will see each other.

If I go to the meetings for this local play that I DID decide to work on, we'll see each other. We'll work together on the load in. But there is this DEADLINE he gave me: by February 28th, accept my offer on the house.

I need to sort out the emotional from the legal, and I will be talking to Ls and Cs to get help with that.

But please--how do I escape from the sudden: "what would be a good DB thing to do around the house?"

I had GIVEN up DB'ing, as least as far as relates to "drawing him back" because there was no opportunity, no chance at all that I could see. I am only trying to heal myself now.

I need help from the big dogs, here. Puppy? Gucci?

Thank goodness for a C session tomorrow--sorry I am in such rough shape here.

(((aver)))After being together for 23 years, it's to be expected that you are still grieving in a big way. It's only been 6 months so cut yourself some slack and really let yourself feel those feelings.

I hope you are going to a new C tomorrow!

I really don't think the house is a DB issue. It's a "doing what's right for aver" issue. If there is any hope for a future with your X, it's not the house decision that will make the difference. I'm not going to tell you to detach, because I believe that it's a process. Just try to identify if there's something blocking you from detaching...maybe discuss that with the C.