I think the way you can get him to want to spend more alone time with you is to be a person that is fun and happy and warm and silly and all that. Just like you'd show a new guy your best behavior if you wanted a R with him, you need to do that with H now. I know it would require a great amount of tongue biting on your part since he seems to love to bait you and likes to show his ugly side to you. Hold it all in and come here and vent or punch pillows after he leaves.
Figure out ways you can react when he makes these jabs (personally, just reading I'm temped to react for you with a cast iron frying pan... ) that diffuses him and leaves you looking like the most patient and sweet person ever. Whether that means ignoring his comments or "agreeing" with him light heartedly and poking fun at your old self or countering it with something he would agree you are great at (like folding fitted sheets or making pies or macrame plant holders). It's hard to advise without seeing all this in action.
What's one thing he's said that is representative of his MO that raises your defenses? I know it's hard hearing the you always and you never statements--maybe extra hard when they ring true and we don't care for those things about ourselves any more than our spouse does.
Or since he doesn't live there anymore, you could institute a new house rule that if anyone wants to complain about something or someone in your house that they need to take their pants off first. That might knock the wind out of his sails.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
) that diffuses him and leaves you looking like the most patient and sweet person ever. Whether that means ignoring his comments or "agreeing" with him light heartedly and poking fun at your old self or countering it with something he would agree you are great at (like folding fitted sheets or making pies or macrame plant holders). It's hard to advise without seeing all this in action. 
