flowmom | shifting from devastated to rebuilding

[flowmom]

flowmom, how do you feel about your DB coaching session? I've been considering it. What can you share about it?

I've had 2 sessions with Dotty. I did find them very helpful. She can definitely read between the lines and figure out the lay of the land quickly. First of all, I was in a total panic and she helped me to calm down and focus on a plan rather than freaking out and assuming the worst. She has had the benefit of hearing my voice and communication style, and I'm sure that helped her to read into what some of my H's issues with me might be. She helped me to map out a very specific strategy for dealing with H, and made some interesting connections between my son's sensory issues and H's high reactivity. Even though a lot of time was used up by covering background, after the first session I felt I had a plan, and I did get positive responses from H based on following that plan. She advocated a very gentle, soft, roundabout way of communicating with H. She correctly identified that Gottman's "harsh startup" is a problem for me. I appreciated that she was able to meet me where I was at and respect where I was at on the shock/grief continuum. The second session was mostly reinforcing that I was getting positive results, and we talked about how I could handle some of the situations I was afraid of (H pushing for formalizing the coparenting plan, for example). She also cautioned me against freaking myself out about what kind of legal strategies H might be involved in...she said that my suspicions might be true, but that dwelling on them would poison my DBing efforts. I discussed my second session somewhere in thread #2. I feel unsure about when to have the third session. I'd like her input on whether to follow through on my IC's push to have me bring H into a session to discuss the terms of the separation (incl. dating). And also her reaction on how I should respond to H talking about dating (i.e. his desire to).

I just want to add to the admiring chorus--to move from "devasted" to "rebuilding" so fast is amazing.

Ummm, I thought I'd use a more optimistic thread subject line . But actually I don't feel devastated all the time right now so time has done some work. I roller coaster between optimistic and defeated about my M and about my personal future.