I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[pearlharbr]

Been there, done that.

[talia]

Got it!!!! Duh! I'll get the hang of this "text" speak yet!!!

[talia]

So spy's can be a good thing - when they work for you!!! Got the lowdown on my opponent... and where he thinks things should end up and how he thinks this is going to work. Now for counter measures. This will go the way I want it to (que eveil laugh)...

Its nice to have most of the control. I'm still really sad about the big picture stuff - the stuff that I really felt was important to me that is now dying in this process. I don't really miss H - I LOVE living alone - I'm getting my own new friends and new hobbies... The sadness comes with the total loss. These days I'm really starting to hate H - thats kinda weird. I really rally just want to be done with all of this a to move on with my life.

At least I know he understands that he's not going to get what he wants in the end.... but he still thinks I'm going to file for D! Idiot.


Goodnight everyone!!!

T

[pearlharbr]

Muah hah hah! <rubs hands together>

Again, BTDT. It is sad that this is how things are turning out, but if it's going to happen better that it happens on your terms. I do understand just wanting it all over with so you can move on to bigger and better things. Just keep the goal in mind and don't rush into anything.

Remember that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. If you're still having strong feelings for H then you're not completely done yet. I know you'll work through it.

[hhh]

Hi Friends,
Just reading through your last posts and saw Pearl's:

"You're exactly right. He's not filing because A) he's a coward and B) he's pushing you to do it so he can say you are the one who ended things. BTDT."

I am sort of in the same place now myself. H has done nothing yet to move this along, and I think much of it (as seemed the case w Pearl's sitch last yr too) was being a coward and having you take the reigns so they don't have to. It's annoying, frustrating whatever...but I also agree with Pearl about how there comes a time when you need to take the reigns yourself! Sounds like you are very much moving in that directions even if not thinking about the filing piece quite yet.

Sorry I've been MIA for a bit...was trapped in Philly last wk b/c of the storm then in NYC all weekend with girlfriends - had a blast, did not think about H much at all. I'm feeling a little more towards the indifference category now. But I know the emotions and different feelings come in ways and you're right to acknowledge and accept them, then get back up again.

This is all hard stuff and sometimes you need to just take a break from it all. I'll post more on my thread later today. Hope you have a good day! ((t))

[talia]

HI HHH!!! Good to see you!! I'm glad you were out and about - we were a little worried about you I'm glad you are back in one piece.

I clearly am not as done as I thought - Pearl's right - the resurgence of hate tells me I still have some things to work through. OH Well... Something to talk about in therapy tomorrow I have a feeling - like Aver - there are stages to the grieving and I'm entering a new one. I'll get past this one just like all the other ones.

Apparently H was bugging a mutual friend last night as to why I haven't "countered" his email. Apparently he still does not understand that I'm not interested in negotiating with a liar. I guess the words "I have nothing to say to you" didn't sink in. Well... He'll figure it out eventually.

Spy flat out asked him if he was sleeping with OW - he refused to answer. That's answer enough. Spy also told me that she's unemployed living at home with her wealthy parents going to school full time on their dime, has fibromyalgia so she can't work, and is severely medicated for depression.... talk about affair-ing down!! I do think its interesting that WAS seem to choose a person

WELL I better get some work done..

Have a great day all!!

T

[pearlharbr]

Oh Talia, they are just so dense it's laughable. And it is pathetic who they choose. It's nice to get to the point when you think, "If that is what you want to settle for then be my guest. I know that I deserve better and I will find someone who is better."

It's ok if you're not done yet as long as you recognize that and continue to work through it. When you start lying to yourself is when you get into trouble.

Hope you're having a good day at work! That reminds me I need to get cracking on this laundry. Blech.

[talia]

Oh Talia, they are just so dense it's laughable. And it is pathetic who they choose. It's nice to get to the point when you think, "If that is what you want to settle for then be my guest. I know that I deserve better and I will find someone who is better."

I agree. I totally feel this way now. If THAT'S what he wants I could never lower myself to a level that would fit his needs!!!

Funny thing is... those are alot of the issues my mom has. She has fibromyalgia and depression and H HATED those things about her. Talk about running in the opposite direction....


I just realized on my last post I didn't finish my thought. Apparently you got what I meant!!!


The one thing I've learned NOT to do is lie to myself. I really thought I was done - this last round has made me realize otherwise. I just didn't expect to round the bend on hate...

Done with Lunch... Back to work!


T

[pearlharbr]

It'll pop up when you least expect it. I thought I was done then found myself furious when I took my cat to the vet and it wasn't good news. I was angry that I had to deal with it alone. Not a big deal in reality but I was surprised that I found the anger. But I got over it pretty quickly. I have a feeling you will too.

[hhh]

Who are these men, right? I think a lot of them are just weak, period. And yet, there are a lot of good ones out there too!

We need to just keep working on making ourselves stronger, open up to new possibilities (meeting new people too!), while also letting go of the old (relationship w H, whether you ever start on new footing with him or with someone new). It takes time, and I hear you there are many times I feel like I'm done and over, and then a new reality soaks in and it's a small grieving process again. The good news is that the 'grieving waves' are much less rough in subsequent times and passing, and we have more tools in our arsenal to deal with them. My IC said when another bout of sadness/grief comes up that it is actually a good thing (I hadn't thought of it that way), bacause you are really grasping and dealing with the reality of the situation more fully - it is a kind of letting go - and it will pave the way for what comes next. I thought it was interesting to think of this way, so instead of getting down on myself for having another sad day/week, just realizing that it is carrying you to the next level and getting rid of some of this emotional 'gunk'.

Yes, I need to get back to work too...ugh. Going to see Broken Embraces tonite w a friend - excited to see. then a quick day trip tomorrow. Back to packing this wkend..so much to do!

Hang in there. You deserve better than this.
-hhh