WAW+OM plus getting the bomb HELP!

[Awoken]

Hi Coreruss,

I'm glad you found this site; sorry you need to be here.

If you haven't already, get the "divorce remedy" book and start reading. Do not share it with your W. It is meant for you only.

Read as many threads as you can hear. I wish I had done more of that when I first got here. Many of your questions, and much of what you need to do, will have already been discussed in great detail in other threads.

Take extra care of yourself. It's like they tell you on the airplane, put your own oxygen mask on first so you can help others. Keep eating, drink lots water, and get exercise. If you are having trouble sleeping, go see your doctor.

Ok, now about your post:

My wife has had her problems she is bipolar or someother type of depression

Gypsy asked too. Tell us if she was diagnosed, if she takes meds for it. I'm assuming the perscription pills she abuses are pain killers?

She says she still craves them but she hasn't been taking them. I don't know if that is true or not.
She says that during the time I didn't take good enough care of her but to me I did what I thought was best

My wife is an alcoholic and bipolar. She has often accused me of not taking good enough care of her. It's taken a lot of time for me to deal with my own guilt of this. Look, your W is the one that is responsible for her condition. You may have developed some codependence with your W, as you've tried to help the one you love the most with her problems. Consider that she may be the only one that can help with her own problems. Certainly don't accept her blame! Find a support group in your area for relatives of substance abusers. Its made a difference for me.

So I found out that she was talking to OM and that she was just friends with him. I was continually getting paranoid and my gut was telling me there was more to this than she is telling me.

You need to trust your gut on this. I've read many times here how the cheating spouse will admit to one level lower than their actual level of infidelity. Just friends means it's much more; Just an emotional affair means it's physical. Cheaters lie. I'm sorry. Reading some threads here may help you come to grips with something you just don't want to see.

I really don't know what to do other than to let her go.

Read the book. Read the threads. Make a plan. There is stuff you can do, and you do it for yourself. You do it so that no matter what the outcome, you will survive as a better person and father.

She didn't even put up much of a fight. She has "lost" her wedding ring and already "believes" that she is divorced from me.

I'm so sorry. That sounds awful Corerus.
Don't believe anything she says, and only half of what she does. Your W is in turmoil just like you. She needs you to be a man, one with compassion for her suffering. I'm not saying you should let her off the hook, but seek to understand. Unfair as it is, you will have to be the strong one. Sounds like you've already been carrying a heavy load.

Honestly I think I suffer from Nice-guy syndrome.

welcome to the family. Get that book Gypsy recommend "hold on to your N.U.T.S" and also "no more mr. nice guy"

Hang in there. Post often. Many more people are reading than post. Again, I'm sorry you need to be here.