It's strange...my anger has subsided but I'm left feeling sorrow...and isolation.
I just want this to all be over. I honestly wish I had never met my ex...all the good times we had are completely washed away by what she's done.
Ok now I'm starting to feel the anger again...mainly because I'm trapped here. Why the hell would she start a family with me if she wasnt interested in sticking it out. Not only did I waste 7.5 years of my life with someone who wasnt worth it...but that time I will never get back...I could have spent it finding someone else that was better...who had morals and family values.
Now I'm just 7.5 years older...even less attractive...and I have to stay in the area so I can see/spend time with D3 regularly.
And for what...so she could get that "in-love" feeling back with a man 15 years her senior.
I really do hate her. Without regard to anyone but herself, she left...and now many have to pay the price. And what does she get...money, friends, family, and her lover...with few responsibilities or consequences for anything.
And what can I do...detach...GAL...move on...I *have to* do all this. I think it pisses me off the most that I was happy with my life before all this happened...and now even without her I have to struggle like never before just to try and make it to that level of happiness, while she has to do nothing but enjoy life.
Sure wish there was a quick decision I could make that would make me extremely happy and content and make her feel all the crap I've been feeling.
Let her deal getting less than 4 hours of sleep a night despite 2x prescriptions. Let her deal with the tremors and heart palpitations 24/7. Let her try to relax by watching a favorite program only to find what you enjoyed before is no longer funny...that it's so meaningless now that you just want it to fast forward and be over. Let her spend hours upon hours crying for 2 months straight, asking God why this happened to her.
Let her ponder and live the meaning of O.A.R.'s Shattered lyrics, "How many times can I break til I shatter?"
Kind of funny...I *feel* shattered...we were together for over 7 years...and if you shatter a mirror you get 7 years bad luck.
I guess in my case the 7+ years bad luck came first...then the mirror got shattered.
