My H was very clear that he would never be able to live with me again either...it is the fog, the affair, the depression...whatever is involved that is keeping them going the other way...
I filed for D twice in the time he was gone...that is how done "I" got at times (not that I recommend this action/reaction)...but in the end I realized that this was more then ending the relationship...it was about change...change that needed to be done a long time ago and was put off...I had never supported myself, I had always relied on H, I was auto-pilot for many years...doing what I thought I was supposed to do but not really getting the clues...
Soooo, when H walked out the door I started listening...and instead of telling him what I was doing to better myself (and it was for me) I just started doing it...living it...breathing it...eating it...I worked on me and he eventually noticed...when things went south for him he cracked open the door a little for me to get my foot in and ask him if we could work on things...it was a big step for us both...I had grown a lot...in a good way...and we both created a new relationship...sure, a lot is the same but there are some very major differences now that should have been all along...I have a life...I can do things with MY friends, I can do things by myself, I can work and support my family, I can have fun without H...I have my own life and my own happiness...but it took a few years of misery to get there!
Thanks Lin - I'm a slow learner. It's taken me FOREVER to "get it," and probably too long for H to come around-----but I think I have finally gotten it. Maybe that was the plan. Maybe I had to fully accept that H will not return (which I think I have now)before it would sink in. I will be working on me for ME.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Just do what you can do to become the person you want to be...be honest with yourself...find happiness with yourself...the rest will take care of itself...
The Caribbean was great...only one arguement...which is a big change from our previous "marriage"...not that we fought all the time but traveling always seemed to be a trigger and this one as it goes was not bad...and mostly me harboring feelings because this was supposed to be what we did for our 25th and deep inside I was still blaming him for ruining that for ME!
I have accepted that the 30th is better then the 25th! There is jewelry there with ammolite in it, a beautiful gem stone...they had a 30th anniversary collection because it was 30 years ago that it became known to the world...not that I believe in signs but I figured my marriage can be as beautiful as that stone so I got a pendant...plan on getting the earings...someday I will get it in gold but it is very expensive stuff so settled for sterling setting...which incorporates my desire to celebrate my 25th in the Caribbean...2 in 1 deal there...I covered both anniversaries!
Just thought I would post here. My H moved back home in March of 2010. He moved back home a couple of times in the past, but it would only last a couple of weeks. I am happy to say he has been home for 3 months now. Things are still going good for us. He is in counseling and hopefully we will soon start counseling together. It was a long 3 years. But I have grown and changed alot!! Praying for all those still standing.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
