H4L said: BUt I'm so sick and tired of having all the positive stuff of a R witheld until he is "certain I won't freak out". Well I'm just different. I think it makes the hard times a lot easier to deal with when there's some positive closeness to back it up.
I agree. I guess you're going to have to squint to find the positive stuff for awhile. Maybe in MC you will get to the point where it isn't just dredging up issues. Maybe you could have a day in MC of positive recall of good times had and strengths to build on to improve everyone's attitude.
I also agree with LR's plan to get out of house with S and maybe that will help get you out of house with H. too in the spring.
On how he will see the changes: never take his accidental anger bait. Never. And never take his testing bait jibes either.
Think about it this way: if this doesn't work out, you will be a whole new calm happy zen wife for someone and he will be a guy who doesn't trust and blames his future partner. So keep remembering that you are only proving something (your success and changes) to you.
