flo, IMO, DBing becomes effective and successful when you STOP acting thinking how your H will react to you. Ironically, the minute you stop shaping your life around him and his reactions, is usually the minute he takes steps to you. I cant stress this enough and I wish you and others could take my word for it. We have this no R talks rule here and I agree. BUT, just an example, the minute I had an R talk I initiated with H, but it was very obvious I was confident, sure, strong and could handle whatever the outcome was, it was the first time he asked for time and said "ohh I never wanted a D, I dont know what I want" -DEEP at that time into his A, April 2008. You would think I had given him the perfect chance to bail out, he took a HUGE step towards me.
Unfortunately to realise the way this works you have to got thru different phases,it doesnt happen overnight.
The same goes for dating, if you do it "for" him, it wont work. When I fell in love, not only I didnt tell my H, (although we had agreed we were divorcing for the first time), I made sure he wouldnt find out. I didnt end up embarassed or crying, I felt loved and happy, I didnt do it to hurt H, it DID complicate things, much pain was involved but I didnt regret it, I would do it all over again. In the end I had to make the decision to love my H which was hard after all the things I had lived because of him and it caused me months of frustration and misery. If flirting, meeting someone, dating is in the same sentence with your H, that is a little "worrying". K _________________________
